City of Arabel

[Silverstar]

Wynn's finally left the city. I'm not expecting to ever see him again, and I don't know that I'll hear from him again either, although he did say that he would write to me. Our last goodbye was quite quick, really. I don't know whether I wish it could have been longer or not. I guess dragging things out does no one any good. I'm going to miss him like crazy, not just as a lover, but because he was my best friend, too. The one person that has always been there for me, right from when I first came to Arabel. And losing that hurts almost as much as losing everything else. I don't know that we could have gone back to being friends, though, even if he'd stayed, and it's probably best that he goes, for everyone. If we don't have to see each other everyday, perhaps we can both start to forget a little.

I'm not feeling as bad as I expected, to be honest. Things are different this time. I feel more resigned to it all, rather than depressed, perhaps because my friends have been there to help so much, and perhaps because I half expected that it would happen one day. Matilda and Mathard have carried on being wonderful, keeping me occupied and cheering me up. The three of us got very drunk on dwarven ale a few days ago. I don't remember much past Matilda falling into the river and complaining that it was raining, me lying in the grass talking about naked elves, and Mathard trying to sing one of Matilda's songs at the top of his voice. I think I must have passed out after that, and I woke up with a horrible headache the next morning.

Zazi is back in town. I don't know how I feel about that. Pleased for Mathard, obviously, because I know he missed her, but it's not going to be quite the same now she's back. He and I have spent so much time together recently, and I've loved that, but now I guess he'll be spending it with her and Thomas instead. Not that she's really been around much. I get the feeling he's not quite as happy about the whole thing as I thought he'd be.

I'm just trying to get on with my job, and enjoy my friends, and all that. It's been helpful that there's so much going on in the city at the moment that I can try to puzzle out. Takes my mind off things.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Jarvis has finally got some quotes for the repairs on the estate, and work is about to commence. Luckily, the price isn’t so high that we can’t afford it, and it’s mostly covered by the generous donations of the people of the city. I’m not sure how long it’s going to take, in all, but I think it will be a while. I can’t work up as much enthusiasm for it as I thought I would. Part of the reason I was so looking forward to having the estate, and my own space, back is gone now. I’m considering organising a re-opening ball once it’s finished, and inviting along all those who supported us, but … again, I don’t have as much enthusiasm as I did have for it. One of our main benefactors is gone, and I will have no one to dance with.

Trying to keep my mind off it. Mathard and I have been talking about certain things about the city, and we’ve had reports of similar discussions going on with some of the other noble houses, and with the House of Death. I think I’m going to have to get into contact with the other factions and see what their viewpoints on the subject are, and then see what we can do if we all work together.

Got a letter from Wynn earlier. So short. All he says is that he’s lonely, and I don’t know how to respond to that. What can I say to that? He knows that he had no need to be lonely, but he chose to leave, and give up everything we had. Not that I can respond yet anyway, considering he’s not contactable at the moment. I wish my feelings were less complicated. Sometimes I’m glad he’s gone, and I don’t want to hear from him at all, and other times I think that I’d give anything to have him back here, or to receive some long letter telling me every detail of what he’s up to, and that he misses me, like he used to when he went away. I don’t know what I want.

That’s not true. I do know what I want, and I can’t have it.

I need to stop thinking like that. It’s easy to be upbeat and cheerful when I’m with Mathard and Matilda. They don’t let me dwell on it too much, and we just spend time enjoying ourselves, or working, instead. It’s easy to laugh and smile with them. It’s when I’m on my own that the sadness drifts back.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

I got a letter from Garen the other day. Basically listing all the reasons I shouldn't be angry with him or her. Thing is, I am angry with them. If it hadn't been for them, things may well have been fine. Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I can't help how I feel, can I? I wrote back to him, and to Wynn. No reply from Wynn yet, but I wasn't expecting one for a while. He won't get the letter until he gets to Skullport and that won't be for a while. I got a reply from Garen, though. He's now angry with me for being angry with them. Well, I'm sorry about that, but I just don't want to stay in contact with them anymore. Can't he see that everytime he mentions her name, and tells me how wonderful being with her is, and goes on about all the things they're going through, it breaks my heart again? She has everything. She's happily married, and she has Wynn's heart. And what am I left with? Nothing. I'm not going to bother responding to Garen's letter. I've had enough of it all.

Mathard told me that he and Zazi are now engaged. I'm happy for him, of course, but it makes me sad too. Another person who has everything they could possibly want. Though Mathard is such a good guy that I couldn't possibly begrudge him that.

He's asked me to organise the wedding for them, which I said I'd be honoured to do. It's a big responsibility, and I hope I'm up to it. We're hoping to hold it at the estate, once it's finished, which should give me a fair amount of time, at least. I'll have to sit down with the two of them to discuss it all. I have a few ideas, and I really want to make it as nice and as memorable as I can for them.

I gave Mathard a dancing lesson earlier, as he said he didn't know how to and he'll need to know for the wedding. He got the hang of it in the end, although I think we both got a bit embarrassed. I've never taught dancing before, so I hope I did it right.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Things are pretty quiet at the moment, although I have a lot of things to organise. Mathard's wedding, for a start. I've talked with him and Zazi about it a little and Zazi told me some of what she wants. Mathard was hopeless - just kept saying "I don't know" to every question I asked him. Obviously I'm going to have to work with Zazi on it, and he can just turn up on the day.

Zazi asked me to be a bridesmaid too. Which was sweet. I'm not sure that I'll handle it all that well, but I'll do my absolute best.

Then there's the reopening ball to sort out, although I don't want to do too much on that until I know when the estate will be finished, and Jarvis doesn't seem to be replying to my questions at the moment, which is a little annoying.

We're also supposed to be involved in a tournament that House Milliar is setting up. We're in charge of the archery contests, which is good because Melanie and I both know a lot about that. Melanie has come up with a lot of ideas already, so I should be getting help with that one. I just need to speak with Lord Milliar about it so that I can get things started.

Got another letter from Wynn the other day. He said he misses me. I miss him too. So much.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

There is a streak of blood across the centre of the page, and a few penstrokes, but nothing that makes any sense, as if the writer started to write something a few times, then stopped.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

I've got so much on my mind at the moment, I don't know where to start.

Wynn ... as good a place as any. I've had word that his grandmother took him, that he's lost, and somewhere under Undermountain, she has him and is doing gods know what to him. She's obviously found out about me, somehow, as she sent me a gift ... it's buried somewhere that meant so much to us. I know it's not his, but for a time, I thought it was, and even though it's not, it still belonged to someone. I lay flowers there every day, and think of him, praying that somehow things will be alright. Praying that the help I know he's getting will be enough. I feel so useless that I can't do anything to help him. She's helping him, but I'm stuck here, and all I can do is pray and hope and send my love to him as much as I can. I just want him safe, and whole, and alive. Even if I never see him again, I want to know that much.

And Mathard ... Mathard who has feelings for me, so I've discovered. Zazi told me. She didn't seem upset, or angry ... she said she was a little jealous, but that's all. But I don't want to be that woman. The woman who lives in her head and gives her doubts about Mathard's feelings for her. I've had those living in my head, and it hurts. I can't be that to anyone else. Zazi said she thought that he felt like that because of me pouring out all my troubles to him. I feel awful about doing that now, if it's going to cause problems.

I talked to Mathard about it, and he told me Zazi was right, but that I shouldn't worry about it, because he's not going to leave Zazi, or hurt her. I hope so. I adore Mathard, but even if my heart wasn't Wynn's, I couldn't and wouldn't do that to Zazi, and to Thomas.

I've spoken to Michard a little. He told me he misses me, which surprised me, as he's always the one who rushes off when I try to talk to him. I hope that means that maybe we can spend some time together soon. My big brother barely knows any of what is going on in my life, and I don't know much about his.

Baroness Bresk is back in the city, so I've heard. I haven't seen her yet, but I hope to soon. I have so much to talk to her about. And hopefully she's back to stay, now. We need her. And I need her as a friend as much as anything else.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Trying to settle back into normality isn’t easy. The past few months have been hard work, and I seem to have been all over the place, unable to control anything, including my own thoughts and emotions. I crave my normal life again … days when I wake up and have no reason to fear being hurt, days when I can just go about my business with a laugh or a smile, with no reason to expect that laugh to turn into a sob at a moment’s notice.

I know that I did the right thing, and yet, somehow, that in doing the right thing, I’ve made things harder on myself than if I’d just left things as they were. I know that, somehow, I've made enemies, and I don't understand why. I know that what I did means that he is now free to move on with his life, and I am going to have to watch him move further and further away. I know that I’m going to have to watch another woman with the things I long for so much. He makes promises, tells me that he will always take care of me, that he will protect my heart the best he can, but I don’t know if it’s too late for that. He owns my heart, and I don’t know how to take it back.

All I can do is trust in my goddess, that she will grant me the good fortune that I need to ensure that things work out the correct way. I need to trust to her that if he and I are meant to be together, then one day, we will be, and if we are not, then there is a good reason for it. It’s painful and difficult, but there’s no other choice. I talk about acceptance of the way things are so often, but it’s a lesson I need to learn. How dare I expect others to do so, when I don’t know how to do it myself?

Fortune favours the bold, so the saying goes. Perhaps, in this case, I simply need to be bold enough not to fight things, not to try to push things the way I'd like them to be. Perhaps I need to be bold enough to trust in my goddess's wisdom, and trust that she will let things happen the way they are meant to be.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Slightly odd experience today. I was talking with Wynn at the central fountain, when one of the militia privates came past, along with some others, calling for paladins. Wynn, of course, responded, and I went to see what was happening as well. Turned out that a young boy in the north part of the city had called for help, and there were undead in the basement of his house. We went to check it out, to discover some kind of mummy wandering around down there.

The poor little boy didn't seem to know what was going on, and some of the idiots with us thought it was hilarious to try to scare him, telling him his Mommy was dead and wandering around in the basement when he called out for his mother. Why are people so cruel? I took care of him the best I could, keeping him with me, and taking him upstairs out of the way while we cleared out the cellar. I didn't have a chance to check on him before we left, but I'll go back and see him as soon as I have chance. I hope he's alright. He was a sweet little boy.

There was a note of some sort found down there, although I didn't get chance to read it. I've asked for a copy of a report that was to be written for the Dragons to be sent to me, so I hope that might shed some light on the situation.

Things are awkward, right now. Seems Ky'ran has been spreading all kinds of rumours about Wynn and what happened between he and I around the city. I've had numerous people coming up to talk to me about it. It's no one else's business! How am I supposed to try to move on and deal with it, if everyone who talks to me wants to know what happened between us? I don't want to talk about it endlessly. I don't want to talk about it to anyone but Wynn. He and I are the only ones that will ever really understand it all, because we're the only ones who experienced it all. And I'm fed up of trying to explain it to people. If Ky'ran starts talking about it near me, I'm giving him a piece of my mind. He can say what he likes about trying to warn other women about Wynn - he's clearly not considered what sort of effect it might have on me.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

I got really angry with Ky'ran the other day. All this gossip-mongering that he's doing has been starting to get to me. He came up to talk to me about it in the middle of the Pride, and I let him have it. Told it it was none of his business, told him I was sick of the rumours, told him he was hurting me and Tia and everyone with it all. He didn't take a whole lot of notice, I've got to say. He asked me to tell him the truth, so I did, and then he said he didn't believe me and I was biased. Pretty pointless coming to ask me about it then, really, wasn't it?

I hate confrontations. I might say I'm going to go yell at someone, but I never actually do it. And I yelled at Ky'ran right after he was brought back from having fallen during an attack on the city. Really not a good time.

Michard is actually acting like a big brother, for once. I told him about the stuff with Ky'ran, and it seems he took him aside and had a 'talk' with him, the subsequent outcome being that Ky'ran isn't going to mention me in his gossip anymore. Maybe my big brother isn't so bad after all.

The situation with Wynn is ... complicated ... at always. He came to tell me that he'd kissed someone else the other day, some girl called Daniella. So much for my 'letting everything happen as it should' thing. I go and get all upset again. I shouldn't. It's none of my business who he chooses to kiss anymore. I just don't understand how he can tell me he loves me, say that he can't be with me because of that woman, and then five minutes later start kissing someone else. He said that him choosing not to be with me wasn't just to do with her. It was also because he was terrified of hurting me again. He said that he sees me die inside, every time he hurts me, and that he's scared that one day, either I'll walk away, or he'll hurt me so badly that there won't be anything left. He knows I wouldn't walk away. I never have so far. I don't really understand. Maybe he's right. Maybe he's not. I don't know.

I told him I was going to stay away from him for a time so that he'd have a chance to work out what he wanted and I could maybe try to move on. Which was a stupid thing to say. I know that's not going to happen. And I know that all he wants is her. So all I've managed to do is set myself up into a situation where I can't even talk to him.

Maybe it's for the best. Though I doubt it. Maybe he will use the time to think about things, and maybe he will come to a conclusion that suits us all. I doubt that too. I think all I've done is get myself into yet another tangle, really.

The ogre mage is dead. Mathard was there when they killed him. I'm really proud of him for everything he did to help bring him down. That's one less threat to the city. Time to move on to the next, I guess. I still haven't seen much of the Baroness, but in a way, it's good. It means that there can't be much going on with regards to that particular shadow, or I'd have heard about it.

I'm trying to get on with more event planning. I have plenty of ideas. It's putting them into practise that is the tricky part. I'm setting up a meeting with the head of a theatre troupe soon, which could work out well.

There's a guy called Kateb who keep flirting with me at the moment. I swear he's old enough to be my father, but still, he keeps inviting me for drinks and complimenting me on just about anything and everything. It's kind of nice, I guess. I've been for a couple of drinks with him. Why, I don't know. It's not like me at all.

I don't know what's got into me at the moment. I feel weird.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

It's becoming more and more clear to me that I need to get away from here. The city is too dangerous. You can barely go for a walk without getting attacked by something or other. And we still have this prophecy hanging over our heads, and ... I just can't be here anymore. No one takes any notice of me anyway. Or, when they do, it's just to shout stupid rumours at me.

Just a few weeks ago, I wandered into an attack in the centre of the city ... something hit me around the head and knocked me out, and I had the worst headache for days afterwards. I had to go and see a healer. And that's just made it certain that I can't stay here. Not now. Maybe one day, I'll feel able to come back and things will be safer, but I don't know.

I haven't told anyone that I'm thinking of leaving yet. I plan to stay until the estate is rebuilt, at least, but that will depend on how long it takes. I'll need to tell the Baroness, and Michard, and Mathard and the others. And Wynn, of course. And that's the hardest thing to do. I don't know how he'll react. And I don't even think I can really tell him the whole reason I'm leaving. Not yet. It'd just make things even harder than they are already.

I need time to work things out, away from him, somewhere where I can think clearly. I know he'll miss me, but maybe he'll think it's a good thing. He'll be able to do what he likes then - get involved with more people without having to worry about me seeing him. That's the trouble - we talk about rebuilding our friendship, and I really do want to, but I don't think I'll ever manage to be happy for him being with someone else. We've had so many talks recently about it all, about Sune's teachings, and they just don't make sense to me. How can it be possible to be in love with lots of people at once? And expect those you love to be happy about it? That's not love, as far as I'm concerned. Not really. He told me that he feels the same way about me that he feels for her. That he still loves me. But that he can't be with me because it would hurt me too much to know that he loves her too. I didn't even realise that that was why he'd left. I thought it was because I wasn't good enough, because I wasn't her. And if I'd really known that, maybe we could have worked it out.

The more we've talked about it, the more I think I've realised that he'll never be happy. He's always looking for something else. He can't just look at what he's got, and realise that it's perfect, and be happy. He always wonders if something else might be better. And I don't even think that him being with her would ... could have been better. Different, yes, but not better. What we had was about as good as you can get. But I don't think he realised that. And I don't know that he ever will. He'll always keep on wondering.

He's talking about asking a member of the Sunite clergy to come, and hold a trial for his actions. Maybe I'll have to be a witness, or something. And I guess if that happens, I'll find out, at least, if the way he acts is truly the way Sune teaches, or if it's his interpretation that doesn't make sense to me. I don't want to say the wrong thing, because being told he's made a mess of things would break him. And I don't know that he has, according to Sune. I guess all I can do, if they ask me, is tell them the truth, and how I feel. Nothing else I can do.

So I'll wait, and see these things through, and then I'll go. I think to Suzail. It's not so far away, and maybe people can come and visit me. It's still close to my home. And I'll be back one day. At least, I hope I will.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

So much to do. I finally come to the conclusion that getting away from Arabel is what I need to do, and all of a sudden, I'm so busy I barely have a chance to think.

The House has taken over the Dawnstar Adventuring Company, which is a great move, I think. I just hope the Baroness agrees when she gets back, but I don't see any reason why she shouldn't. So we now have our own adventuring company, like Thond and DeSchurr, and they're going to help us out with all sorts of work. And it'll give the Baroness a very good source of new retainers, I hope. Sydney is going to run the company, but I'll be doing the administration work, I guess. To start with, anyhow. The first meeting was yesterday, and it went really well, although one of the company members, Samin, was so nervous about meeting me. I didn't realise I was so scary!

We're having even more trouble with the estate. Something is in there, and we don't yet quite know what. All we do know is that it's going to take a lot of priests to help us get rid of it. Syd basically says none of us should go in there, because it's too dangerous, but we're going to have to perform some kind of exorcism in there sooner or later.

I think I seem to have almost taken over Bromsay's old job by default. Not the religious side of this, obviously, but the political stuff. I just wish I had his political astuteness. I hope I'm doing the right thing with the agreements I'm making, but I know it could so easily go horribly wrong. And the only other person I can talk to about it is Melanie, and she's so erratic that trusting her judgement is even worse than trusting my own. If we can pull it off, it'll be a coup for the House, it'll be a good thing for the city, it'll be doing as she wishes, and it'll prevent a whole lot more people getting hurt. If we can't pull it off, it'll be a horrible mess.

Wynn's trial still hasn't happened. He's having trouble finding anyone to preside over it, which is a shame. It'd be good to get Ky'ran off his back once and for all. And, you know, an awful lot of the things that he gets accused of just aren't true. I know he's a flirt, and I know that he's hurt people, but there are enough occasions when it's entirely other people's fault. He was telling me earlier about some woman who stood in Frin's house with him, blatently trying to get him to sleep with her. Even flashing him, apparently. He turned her down, but that's exactly the sort of thing that Ky'ran would jump on and accuse him of leading her on. I'm glad I never get anything like that. I've had a few people ask me out recently, but just for a drink, and a polite "Thanks, but no thanks" usually sends them away happy enough.

We've spent a lot of time together recently, and it's just been fun. I've been helping him with things, and he's been doing the same for me. Some things are hard still - helping him write the vows he's going to have Lance and Shanora make at their wedding isn't easy, not when they are all the things that I'd always hoped that he and I would say to each other one day. But things between he and I are good, at the moment. They've been a lot better since I came to a couple of realisations. There are still things I can't talk to him about, not yet, but maybe one day soon. Maybe things won't be as awful if I tell him as I thought they might be. But not til I'm ready. And I'm not, yet.

I still need to get away for a while, but there's so much to do before I go. Busy, busy.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Nothing ever hurt this much before.

Wynn isn't going to forgive me for what he sees as my betrayal of him, I can tell that. I've tried so hard to make him see that it was a mistake ... an error of judgement, but the look in his eyes and the tightness of his voice when he speaks to me shows me that nothing I say or do is going to make any difference. And knowing that I've lost all the love he had for me is breaking me. I tried to do what I thought was the right thing, but it's not good enough. I'm not good enough.

Mathard doesn't understand why his opinion matters so much to me. I can't explain that loving Wynn is as natural to me as breathing, as my heart beating, and that losing his love hurts as much as losing those. It makes me feel dead inside.

He says that I endangered people through my actions. The War Wizard disagrees, but it's only Wynn's opinion that matters. But ... I remember a time not so long ago when I comforted him after he got three people killed through his own errors of judgement. He says I betrayed him, that I knew how much he hated her, but he's betrayed me so many times, in the one way that he knew would hurt me more than anything, the one way he knew I'd hate. I've seen him forgive others, I've seen him forgive murderers, traitors, people who he had undoubted proof of their wickedness. Is what I did really worse than all of that?

I can't tell him anything now. I was so close, and I thought things were going to be good, but now ... I'll have to face it on my own anyway. Maybe I deserve that. They don't, but maybe I do. Maybe that pain will help to wash away the pain in my heart.

Written precisely and carefully Maybe if I can make myself hurt enough on the outside, the pain on the inside won't seem so bad.

A small drop of blood can be seen at the bottom of the page, along with an unintelligable word or two.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

A sheet of paper slipped into Edana's journal

[Silverstar]

I ... don't quite know if things between Wynn and I are healed or not. We talked for a while, and some of what I said just made him angry, and some things, I think made him realise why I did what I did. We didn't exactly make up. Just ... I think ... stopped being angry at each other. Maybe we're on the way to healing. Maybe not. I hope we are.

There's more I need to say to him. Especially after some of the things Mathard said to me when we talked. But when I leave, I've decided one thing. I need to learn to live without him. Not stop loving him, because I won't do that, but just ... learn to be my own person. To stand on my own two feet and try not to live my life for him. I have other things to live for.

And I don't know what to do about Mathard. He wants to leave Zazi and Thomas, and come to Suzail with me. He saw ... what I'd done to myself, and he thinks I need to be looked after. What do I say to that? I know he loves me, or he thinks he does, anyway, and I love him too, but ... not really like that. And I don't know that I will. And how can I possibly be a party to him walking out on his fiancee and child? How can I be the woman who takes him away from that, when I know how it feels? He tells me to forget them, that I'm not doing anything to them, he is, but that means nothing. I'm still the reason for it.

I need to concentrate on the House. On getting it sorted out. I need to forget about my personal life for a bit, and concentrate on other things.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

I’ve really tried hard to like Laria, but the more contact I have with her, the less I do. She came up to speak with me yesterday, and now seems to have decided the whole Vrugar thing was my fault. Insinuating that I’ve been lying to Wynn and to the authorities about what happened, but then, in the same breath, telling me that she never told me the whole truth about it, just ‘what I needed to know’. Well, in that case, how can she expect me to know the whole truth about things and get the story exactly right? I don't know the whole story, so I can't tell people the whole story, and they are clearly going to jump to their own conclusions about what happened. She tells me that things went wrong because I waited to get permission from Melanie before doing anything, and that if I’d just got on with things, we could have brought her in right away, but when I ask her if she ever got a response from Vrugar about the whole issue, she didn’t answer me. So how could we have brought her in, even if I’d said that I’d do it there and then? We couldn't do anything without Vrugar's co-operation, and I now know that we wouldn't have got it anyway. I say to her that if I’d known Vrugar was still murdering people, I wouldn’t have gone through with the plan anyway, and she goes mad at me, but never explains why. She went mad at me for not coming to talk to her about the whole thing, and I guess I should have done, but I’ve been trying really hard to put it behind me, and think about it as little as possible. She told me I have to start taking responsibility for my own actions. What does she think I’ve been doing? I know I made a mistake. I know I did the wrong thing. So I turned myself over to the authorities, I was, and still am, ready to take what punishment they give me. I’ve lost one of the most precious things in my life, and I know it’s my fault. Seems to me that she’s the one not taking any responsibility for anything by trying to turn this whole thing on me. But maybe I’m wrong. Again.

I know she has feelings for Wynn, but so do a lot of women in this city, and I've always done my very best to be friends with all of them, and not make a big deal of it. I guess she’s decided that I’m the reason he no longer speaks to her, and they aren’t together, but to be honest, a lot of that was her own doing. He originally got angry with her for protecting the name of whoever it was spreading rumours about us, and he told me over and over he wasn't looking for a relationship, and didn't intend to get involved with anyone again. That woman lives in a world of half-truths, and secrets, and then wonders why things don’t work out the way she hopes. That’s one thing I really have learned from all of this. Secrets do no one any good. Everytime someone has asked me to keep a secret for them, I end up like this. And that’s why, the next time I see Wynn, I plan to tell him the biggest secret I have. And he can do with that information what he chooses, but he can’t then accuse me of not telling him, at any rate. If I ever see Wynn. I guess he’s avoiding me. I haven’t seen him in days.
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Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune