City of Arabel

[Silverstar]

My lovelife is never going to be simple. That's becoming obvious.

Wynn has worked himself into a state over whether he's doing the right thing, or whether this is going to hurt me too much, or whether this is going to hurt Rav too much, or Shanora. He's so concerned with trying to make everyone happy, or at least, not hurt them, that he's barely seeming to think about what might or might not make him happy. I even asked him what he wanted, and he said that he wasn't trained to think like that, that he couldn't just switch off the effects on everyone else and think about what he wanted.

I asked him whether he was having doubts about what he'd said to me the other day. He said that he was, but only insofar that he was afraid that me not being secure in his love was hurting me, and he didn't want to do that. When I asked him if he was doubting that he loved me enough, he said that he wasn't. Whe I asked him if he loved me enough to spend the rest of his life with me, he told me he did. I'm scared that no matter how much he loves me, he's going to leave simply because he's afraid of hurting me again.

He wanted to know if I was sure that he was the one. I told him everything that I've been thinking the past few days. That my love for him has been there almost since the day I met him. That although I pushed it all away after he left, so as to be able to get on with my life, it didn't really go away. That I'd loved Zeno, and I knew he'd loved Rith, and that I wasn't denying that, but that it didn't stop my love for him. That I knew just how hard relationships can be, but that I was willing to put in the effort to make this one work. And that the reason I wanted to do that, is because I really do think he is the one. No matter what has happened between us, I've always loved Wynn. And I always will. And he and I could be so happy together.

I don't know what to think, really. I don't want him to be with me if he's only doing it because he doesn't want to hurt me. But I couldn't stand him leaving me for the same resaon. If he truly loves me the way he says he does, then we can get through anything that comes along. I don't know if he's considering going back to Rav, or to Shanora, so as not to hurt them.

Am I being stupid, to try to make him want me as much as I want him? Should I just let him go now, so as to make his life easier? Or should I keep trying? I wish I knew. All I know is that for that short time after we kissed by the pond again, I was the happiest I've been in so long, and I want him to want that as much as I do.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Things have been really busy the past few days. I'm glad, as it's helped to take my mind off my personal life a little.

Mathard has a son. He and Zazi have named the little boy Thomas, and he's absolutely adorable. Mathard seems a whole lot happier now, especially as Zazi has decided to bring the baby back to Arabel, and they are going to be living here. It's going to be lovely having a baby around the place. I'm playing Aunt Edana as much as I can.

Matilda and I have been working hard. We were asked to participate in an expedition out to Anauroch by Sergeant Bryant, and the simple trip to investigate a desecrated tomb ended up being Sergeant Bryant's realisation that he is the last male heir of an ancient noble Netherese family. I'm a little overawed by it all. His family once ruled over part of the desert, it appears. He gave me a ring that he had found in the ruins. It doesn't do much, not like the horn that Matilda received, but it's going to remind me of that unusual day.

On the journey there and back, we encountered Etheldrek, the half-dragon too. On the journey back, he, for some reason, handed over to Neil a shard of memory crystal that he had found. I don't understand why he'd do that, but from what Matilda said, he hates them. I wonder if it's something to do with the fact that they show so much of the past, and he is living in a world where his past doesn't yet exist.

Later, we went to aid a gypsy woman in a crypt, and saw a ghostly figure, which we identified as the ghost of Galandrias, the elf. He spoke of being betrayed by those who allowed him to be murdered, and swore to get his revenge in blood. Matilda thinks that it might have something to do with the memory crystals, somehow.

I've still been thinking about Wynn in the slower times, though. Thinking about what to do. Thinking about what to say to him. I can't help thinking about the last time that he broke a promise because of love, and what came afterwards. And I think I know what I need to do.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

The journal is soot-streaked, and the edges of the pages are scorched from heat.

My beautiful home is nothing but a smoke-filled shell of itself. Aldrien destroyed the only real home I've ever known, all the work that we put so much effort into, murdered people I care about, and almost killed my best friend. He called himself the judge, the jury and the executioner, but he is the one deserving of execution.

I came so close to losing Matilda. If I hadn't run back when I did, after those whose aid I sought wouldn't give it, she could have bled to death on the hallway floor, or been burned in the flames that raged through the house. The guards were cut down where they stood, their bodies still guarding the door as they always did. And Jarvis was slaughtered on the basement steps, and his blood stains the ground, soaking into the stone.

The people of the city did more for us than I would ever have imagined they would. Although there are those who are glad to see the ruins of our house, and believe that we brought it upon ourselves by our supposed necromancy and vampirism, so many came to my call for help. They risked their lives for us, running in and out of the burning building, doing what they could to help. Sergeant Bryant did so much for us that I don't know how to repay him. And Talwyn is out there trying to raise gold for us to help us get back on our feet, and the Iron Anvil offered their support and aid in rebuilding the house. The city and its people supported us in our worst time, and there isn't a way to repay that.

We've moved out to the Dancing Dragon for a time, until we can move back home. The dwarves say the foundations are still strong, and the basement is almost free of damage. My little bedroom is still standing, and we were able to save some items of sentimental value. Zenobia's sword is still intact, as are the items Loren gave to me, and other things that mean a lot to me. It will be a long time before the house is back to the way it was, though. At night, I dream of flames and blood, and wake up sobbing. I can still smell the smoke, everywhere I go, and the burns that I barely noticed until afterwards sting when I move. The fits of coughing are easing, but it will take time.

Wynn is my comfort, the only good thing to come out of any of this. The tragedy cemented our love for each other, and I don't believe it can now be broken apart.

How do you kill a ghost? How do you get revenge on a ghost? Is he even a ghost, or simply a memory? Can a memory wreak such havoc? I guess it can, and did.

We'll find a way to get our home back. And no matter how much the place meant to any of us, there is more to House Bresk than bricks and mortar. My small family is still intact, and that is the most important thing, and we will continue our work.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Things are getting a bit easier, with regards to the events of the other day. I'm getting more used to being back at the Dragon, and people are being very kind about everything. Talwyn seems to have collected some large amount of gold for us to use in the rebuilding project, which is wonderful. I've had the odd flashback about the whole thing, but mostly I'm doing alright. I'm a bit worried about Matilda though - she seems a lot more traumatised by everything than she's letting on, and that's not really surprising. Although she wasn't inside the estate during the fire, Aldrien hurt her badly, and he deserves to be hunted down for that.

The phantoms are still haunting the city. That's three I've seen now - Galandrias, Aldrien, and another that I didn't recognise. I was even in the city yesterday when undead started to rise from the ground, calling out Pree's name. The thought of him coming back sends shivers down my spine.

Wynn and I are doing great. It's been so long since I saw him happy, but he's been laughing and smiling so much in the past few days. It's been wonderful. We confused poor Michard the other day, and embarrassed the hells out of me - Wynn thinks we need to get Shalina to explain the birds and the bees to him. I always thought I was fairly naive about such things, but Michard is far worse. Poor boy. I don't think I'll be able to look him in the eye next time I see him.

Mathard and I went to the House of Death and made our wills yesterday. One thing that the fire brought home to me is that life is far too short to put things off. I needed to get that sorted out, and other things too, because you never know what might happen.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

I am so confused. I haven’t got a clue about half of what’s going on in this city, and yet it seems that I’m intricately involved in some of it, at least.

I saw the Baroness for the first time in a while the other day. She got Matilda and Mathard and myself together, and we went for a meeting in the top floor of the estate, which wasn’t too badly damaged. She asked Jacen along too, and he brought Shalina. Jacen gave a book to each of the three of us, which contains some kind of prophecy. And then he and the Baroness started to explain it to us. They’d just begun to talk about something to do with demons, and guardians, and protecting the Baroness and Melanie being incredibly important, when the house began to shake. We ran downstairs to the ballroom, in case of the floor collapsing, and demonic creatures began to appear from what seemed like nowhere. Coming in from the doors, up from the basement, down the stairs from the top floor. I don’t even know what some of them were. Demonic animals, and men in guard uniforms, and imps and mephits, even some huge creatures that I heard Jacen call bulettes. I don’t know how we managed it, but we fought them all off, although it took almost all of the healing supplies that we had to stay alive.

They still kept coming, though. We blocked what doors we could with benches, the front door, and the door up to the top floor, but that left us with only the basement exit to try to escape, and we knew that there were more fiends down there. Jacen pulled off the bell chain, and we went downstairs. The Baroness was bravely telling us to run, that she’d hold them off, but the likelihood of us leaving her was non-existent. Matilda and I practically dragged her down to the basement. After we killed what creatures we could down there, Jacen rigged up some kind of trap with the chain and some alchemists fire on the door, and we just managed to get out before it went off. Our beautiful estate caught fire again, and for the second time, I watched it burn, tears running down my face.

The Baroness was yelling at us to run to the War Wizard’s Enclave, but more demons began to appear. They slaughtered Mathard before we could kill them all, and we had to run to the city carrying his corpse. As we approached the centre of the city, even more appeared, and though some of the Knights and some of the city’s citizens ran to aid us, Matilda also lost her life. Somehow, I don’t know how, she and Mathard were restored to us, and Jacen and some of the guards made us run to the War Wizard’s Enclave for protection. We stayed there for a while, shaking and sobbing, and those of us of the House swore to the Baroness that we would do everything in our power to protect her, no matter what the cost. She simply smiled sadly at us, and told us she’d heard that too many times before, by people she’d loved and lost. When we stepped outside the Enclave to see what was going on, the sky was raining blood.

We’re under orders to move out of the inns, for our own protection. I don’t know where we’re all staying, perhaps at the Knights garrison, perhaps with the War Wizards, perhaps at the citadel. I don’t want to go. Matilda and I asked the Baroness if we could stay at the Dragon, but she wants us with her, wherever she is. She said that she loved us like family, and we all have to stay together. And I want to be with my family. But I also want to be with Wynn. We spent the night together for the first time, just a few days ago, and it was perfect, but so soon I have to move away. He said it’s fine, that he’d rather know I was safe, and that we’ve survived far worse than this, but even so, I just want to stay with him.

I don’t even know what my role in all of this is. The guardians have been chosen, and we of House Bresk are not among them. The Baroness and Dame Melanie are the ones that must be kept safe, and yet we’re all being protected. I don’t know what I need to do, what my part is to play. I need to talk to Jacen and find out the rest of the story. Perhaps he will know. But I’m really scared.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

I spoke to Jacen a little more about what’s going on with this prophecy. He kind of explained it to me, although I still don’t know what I’ll be called on to do. Nothing nice, I would imagine. I’ll do my duty to the Baroness, but I am scared. I’m hardly what anyone would choose as the first line of defence against whatever it is we’re fighting.

Wynn is just frustrating me at the moment. I’ve been going through so much recently, and yet I’ve been trying really hard to be upbeat and optimistic as much as I can. I want our time together to be happy. After everything that’s happened recently, I’ve realised that life is far too short to waste on regretting things, and being miserable. And yet he’s just so depressed and unhappy all the time. He tells me that he’s never been so happy before in his life, but I don’t see much evidence of it. He still talks an awful lot about the other women he regrets having lost. I don’t begrudge him that, I know he’s suffered a lot, but he seems so caught up in the past and the women he wasn’t able to be with, that he doesn’t seem willing to just enjoy what he does have. I don’t know what else I can do to make him happy. I try to make him laugh, try to come up with ideas for places for us to go and things for us to do, but it doesn’t really seem to work. I know I’m Edana, the eternally understanding woman, but even so, I’m starting to get a little annoyed with it all. I just hope that I don’t end up being one of the women he has regrets about.

He humiliated me in front of everyone in the Dragon the other day. Getting drunk and singing and heckling Shalina while she tried to talk. I understand the reason for him having a drink, although why he decided the support of alcohol was better than the support I was trying to give him, I don’t know. What I can’t understand is why he felt the need to do that to me. Singing away about being in love with an elven maid, in front of all these people who knew that we were together. I don’t precisely know which maid it is that he thinks he’s in love with, but the lack of pointed ears tells me that it certainly wasn’t me he was singing about. And the things he was calling out. About how true love doesn’t always win out, and how his heart hasn’t always pointed him down the right path. What am I supposed to think about that?

Michard came up to me and apologised on his behalf, but it’s not good enough. I want an explanation from him, not a second-hand apology via Michard. I want to try to understand what on Faerun is going on in his head. Because I thought I knew, but maybe I don’t.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

I think Wynn and I have sorted things out. We went to the Night Wolf and talked for a long time. He says that mostly he's just scared of losing me, and because of that, he finds it hard to be happy. He's worried about how dangerous things are at the moment. He's not the only one, but I guess I'm just dealing with it differently. Things have been pretty quiet the past while though, so maybe things aren't going to be as bad as I thought.

We talked a little about Shalina's talk the other day. He offered to write down his own views on Sune's teachings for me, and he did, and gave me a copy of a book with them all written down. He talked a bit about his own views on love, too. I'm really interested. It's the best way to understand him, really.

We managed to laugh and joke a bit, which was nice. He wouldn't let me sneak away from the Knights and come and stay at the Night Wolf with him, but I guess that's sensible. Boring, but sensible.

I am feeling better about things, though. I just hope he is too.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Mathard and Michard seem to find my relationship with Wynn to be a constant source of amusement at the moment. They're delighting in teasing us at every turn. Mathard even walked in on the two of us in the baths the other day. Having my best male friend see me like that was highly embarrassing, even moreso when he later told me 'Wynn was a lucky bastard'. He promised me faithfully that he'd stop teasing me as soon as I fall pregnant, and then told me that he's sure it won't be too long. He and Michard seem to be under the impression that every time Wynn and I spend time alone together, we're tearing each other's clothes off. Considering what seems to be going on in their heads, they'd be awfully disappointed if they knew the truth; that Wynn and I have managed to spend a single night together since we became lovers, and that for the most part, we just sit and talk.

I've got new nicknames too. Michard started calling me 'Anna', as a shortened version of Edana. It could have been worse - at least it's not 'Ed', like people have been known to call me occasionally. Mathard's changed it again and calls me 'Annie'. I don't really mind. It's kind of sweet really.

Wynn and I aren't doing badly. We've been talking a lot, and he seems happier about things. I'm trying to take things more slowly, and stop pushing about things. I think maybe that was part of the trouble - my new 'live for the day' policy meant that I was rushing into absolutely everything. I'm trying to calm down and just relax about it all. Wynn's been singing to me a bit. He sang the most beautiful song to me out by the springs the other day. It was a sad one, but absolutely gorgeous.

I went patrolling with Blade Bryant, and Mathard, and some others today. We wandered east, and then into the Stormhorns, where we ended up spending some time sitting round a fire and telling stories. Then we moved into the desert. There's an old woman there who seems to tell fortunes. You ask her a question, either out loud or silently, and she tells you whether you should follow that path. Mathard asked her something silently, and she told him that it would work out, which he seemed relieved about, although he wouldn't tell me what he'd asked. I thought about asking her about me and Wynn, but to be honest, I'd rather not know. I just want to see how things go. So I asked her about the prophecy, and how things would go with that. And she told me not to follow that path, as it would end badly.

Gods, now I feel even worse about it all. I was hoping that everything had settled down, as it's been so quiet, but it seems not. And it seems that something awful is going to happen. I really hope she's wrong. I don't have a choice about following that path. I swore an oath, and I have to do as I'm told, but ... I'm scared.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

I've made such a mess of things. Why am I so stupid?

Added in later

I think things are alright again.

Wynn and I had a horrible fight yesterday. I'd spent the afternoon at the militia garrison, on a weapons training course run by Blade Bryant. I was impressed with how well I did, actually. At one point, we tried a war simulation, dividing ourselves up into two teams. My team was almost all archers, and the other team was mostly close combat fighters, including Blade Bryant and Mathard. We actually won, knocking out all of the opposing team, and losing none of ours. It just goes to show that a band of lightly armoured, nimble, good archers can be indispensible in a battle.

Anyhow, after that, Mathard and I wandered over towards the market. Mathard went to the Dragon, and Wynn came over to speak to me. He healed the few scrapes I had from the fighting, and then said that he had to get me into a good mood before he told me what had happened to him earlier. Turns out, a girl had approached him with a message, saying something about looking for him because there was a pregnant woman who had turned up at a temple to Torm, and insinuating that the baby was his.

I got such a shock. The thought of someone else carrying his child was really painful. I know we haven't been together all that long, and this would have been long before we got together, so I wouldn't have any right to say anything anyway, but that didn't stop me from feeling like I'd been punched. He insisted that he didn't know this woman, and that the child couldn't possibly be his, but I kept picking at it, asking questions. I couldn't see how he could possibly be so sure when he didn't actually know who this woman was. For all he knew, it might be someone he knew but using a different name for one reason or another. He got really angry with me and stormed off, refusing to speak to me anymore. I wrote him a note, apologising, and he sent me a horrible reply, accusing me of treating him like a liar and having a funny way of showing that I loved him.

I met Mathard at the Dragon, and told him what had happened. He got quite angry himself, but at Wynn, saying that he had no right to treat me like that. Turns out he later went and punched Wynn, telling him to apologise to me. I can't decide if I'm annoyed with him or not. I wish he hadn't broken Wynn's nose, but it's really sweet that he cares that much about me.

Wynn and I spoke a little later, and I think we managed to patch things up. I tried to explain what I'd meant, and he apologised for the letter, and we talked a bit more about it. We're just going to have to wait until this Star comes and explains things properly before we know what's going on, I guess. Wynn thinks that maybe she's going to claim to be the child, but apparently, she's only a few years younger than he is, so if she tries that, there must be something wrong with her. Whatever the truth turns out to be, we'll just have to try to deal with it together.

I don't know why I get so worked up where children are concerned. I've always wanted children, that's not a secret, but with Zenobia, I'd pretty much resigned myself to never being able to. If Wynn had become a father at that point in time, it wouldn't have bothered me at all. In fact, I'd have been thrilled to get the chance to play aunt, seeing as I wasn't going to get any closer to having my own than that. But it's different now.

I was thinking about why I'm so keen to have children one day. I think it's down to my mother. She never really had much of anything - no real family, no husband, she used to work from dawn til dusk every day of her life to support us both - and yet she was one of the most cheerful people I ever knew, and she never complained about anything. She used to say it was because of me, because having me brought her such joy that she didn't mind not having anything else. I guess I want the same - to be able to give and receive that sort of unconditional love from my child one day. I know I'm too young for that just yet, and with things the way they are at the moment, who knows if I'll ever get to that stage? But still ... I guess that's the reason. And I guess the thought that Wynn might have had a child with someone else, instead of me, just shook me up so much that I didn't really think about what I was saying.

I hope he understands now. I guess the best thing to do is just not to mention it anymore, unless he brings it up. I'm not planning on this relationship turning out like my last one, with arguments happening every five minutes over misunderstandings. I couldn't bear the guilt of feeling the way I did then again, and doing what I might have done if ... the writing stops
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

I get more like my mother every day, and, much as I adored her, I'm not sure that it's such a good thing. I'm a fool for love, that's pretty clear. And even as I sit here analysing myself and realising it, I know I'm not going to change. I'd do anything to be with the people I love, even when I know they don't love me the same way. Just like my mother, who must have known, she must have realised that my father didn't love her like she loved him, but it never stopped her. I'm a fool, pure and simple. And maybe one day it's going to turn on me again and I'm going to end up brokenhearted, but, just like her, I can't stop myself from hoping things will change, hoping that one day, everything will work out the way I want it to. I guess I just have to hope I'm luckier than she was. But perhaps not. Is half of the heart of someone you love better than none at all? Or does that just lead to more hurt? I don't know. I wish I did.

There's two women that we now think we know of claiming that Wynn fathered their child. It's getting silly. He knows he didn't. I know he didn't. But until we speak with these women, we're not going to find out what in the hells is going on.

While we were talking about it, and about Rith, and about us, I admitted to Wynn what I'd come to realise about what would have happened had Zenobia lived. I don't know that he was really interested, but maybe that's because we had so much else to discuss. Or maybe it was obvious to everyone else. It doesn't make me feel any better about it, though.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Ever since the Rith stuff, Wynn's been kind of different. In a good way. More affectionate, more complimentary, and more cheerful too, some of the time. I'm not sure why. Maybe he's trying to make up for all of the Rith stuff, and the fact that we both know how he feels about her. Or maybe it's not that at all and I'm reading too much into it. Either way, it's nice. Now I've stopped trying to rush everything, things seem to be going really well.

Michard is just embarrassing. I don't know how he does it. He's so good at winding me up. Even when Wynn and I tried playing a joke on him the other day, it backfired and we ended up being the ones embarrassed by it all. He seems to be getting rather keen on a girl named Faith, though, so I'm sure that sooner or later he'll provide me with some ammunition to get him back.

Matilda has finally decided that she's had enough of hiding herself away, and has been up and about again. It's lovely having her around again. I missed her.

With regards to the prophecy, things have been quiet, mostly. One of the items has been found by the elves, and Thaegen came by to discuss it with Mathard and I the other day. We think we know what the other two are now as well, and one of them is going to require rather a lot of effort to get hold of.

Been patrolling today with Retainer Keeler of House Thond, and Sir Richard Emmerson, and some others. We went looking for giants, but didn't find any, despite walking through the Stormhorns and the northern wilds and right out to Thunderholme. Speaking of giants, I had a very odd encounter with an ettin the other day. Came away from it with a pretty interesting spear, but as I can't use spears, we sold it, and split the proceeds between the little group we were with. What I really need is a really good bow.

There's talk of wererats in the city. Wynn apparently killed one the other day, with the spear he bought at the shrine in Immersea. I gave him my silver ring that is supposed to protect against lycans. I was afraid he might get a bit funny about me wanting to give him a ring, but luckily he didn't. Hopefully it'll help keep him safe if this turns out to be a serious threat.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

I just don’t understand men.

First there’s Michard, who spent the last few days convincing me that he and Faith were on the verge of getting together, if not already together. I mean, he tells me that they’re very close, she’s very special to him, he goes jumping on her, hugging and kissing her in the middle of the street, and she is apparently pretty sure that he’s got feelings for her. And then yesterday, I ask him how it’s all going, and he starts telling me I’ve got it all wrong, that she’s just a friend, that there’s nothing romantic going on there at all. It’s like he’s suddenly backtracking about it all for some unknown reason.

And Wynn. I really don’t understand what’s going on there. He keeps going off and having cosy little chats with this Faith woman himself. And coming back and saying weird things. First of all, he tells me the other day that she reminds him of Rith. Which is just about the last thing I want to hear, that there’s someone in Arabel who reminds him of the woman he can’t get over. And then yesterday, we were in the baths, talking, and he starts telling me about his talk with her. He’s apparently told her about the situation with me and him and Rith, and she asked him if I was alright with it. He’d apparently said I was. I’d hardly say I’m alright with it. I just don’t have a choice, do I? If I want to be with Wynn, I have to put up with all the Rith stuff whether I like it or not. I don’t know that anyone could really be alright with the man they love more than anything being in love with someone else.

He then mentions that when he was talking to her, she asked him whether being with more than one person at once was alright, and he’d told her it was. Which I don’t agree with, but I suppose if everyone knows the score and is happy with it, it’s not the end of the world. But then he looks at me and asks me whether I’d mind him seeing other people at the same time as me. He said he wasn’t actually planning to, but why would he ask me a question like that if he hadn’t at least given it some thought?

So I said that, yes, of course I’d mind. That I’d hate it. That, as far as I was concerned, our relationship was a serious one, and that I didn’t want to have to share him with anyone more than I had to. And I asked him how he saw our relationship. And he said that he’d never really thought about whether it was serious or not. How can he never have thought about it? After all the things he’s said to me since we got back together. That he can’t live without me, that he’ll never leave me, that he’ll be with me for as long as he has me, that he's got no doubts that I'm the one for him, that I’m the best thing in his life and he loves me. How can he say all of that, and yet not thought that we were serious? I don’t understand.

It's something to do with this woman, Faith. I'm sure of it. Please, please, please don’t let him be falling for her. I can’t go through that again. I just can’t.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Wynn and I are over. Finished. For good this time. After everything I’ve given him, done for him, and he treats me like this? Mathard’s right. He’s scum. And I was just too blind to see it. The number of times he’s hurt me. All the pain he’s thrown at me. How many times he’s picked away at my heart, breaking pieces off and throwing them away as I’ve run frantically after him, trying to piece it back together. I forgave him everything. And he can’t forgive me a single, well-intentioned mistake.

I probably should have told him about Rith and Garen as soon as I found out about it, despite what Rith and Garen asked me to do. Gods know, I wanted to. To let him know that his perfect Rith was with someone else, that she’d cared so little for him that she didn’t even want to let him know. I should have done, and if I’d not been me, I would have done. But I actually thought that just maybe, I could talk her into telling him herself. Let him at least have the knowledge that she cared that much for him. And yet somehow, I’m the one in the wrong here. I’m the one who’s betrayed him, and he believes that she would have told him, she would have had a good reason for keeping it from him. Why is she such a golden girl? Why can he forgive her so much, and yet forgive me nothing? What the hells is it about her that is so special?

He said that he’d been considering our relationship was a mistake for a while now, and now he knows it was. A while? Either 'a while' means no more than a day or two, or he’s lied to me, because it wasn’t even a week ago that he told me I was the best thing in his life.

I don’t know what Wynn will do now. Go and find some new young girl’s heart to break, I expect. Faith’s, maybe. Or go crawling after wonderful, perfect Rith, perhaps. For all I care, he can go jump off a cliff.

I wish that was true.

I don’t believe in love anymore. It’s all some great cosmic joke that the gods play on us. They’re probably all up there laughing like drains at just how stupid we all are for falling for it. One thing’s for sure. I’m never letting myself go through this again. The fortune teller’s prophecy that things are going to end badly for me if I carry on with my duty to the Baroness? I hope she’s right. I don’t want to be here anymore.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

Wynn and I have been talking quite a bit. I can't hate him. I probably should, but I can't. He's apologised to me again and again, for hurting me, for yelling at me and all that. Things are still over, there's no point in trying to change that. We were both deluding ourselves that it was going to work out. He's heading to Skullport in a few days, to track down his grandmother once and for all. I don't expect I'll ever see him again. Perhaps that's a good thing. Maybe things will be easier if I don't have to see him everyday. He says he'll write to me on his journey and when he gets there, so I guess I'll know how things are going, at least.

We did have some good times. Mathard told me to treasure those memories, and then try to move on. I don't know. Everyone keeps telling me that I can't just give up on things. Wynn's said it, again and again, but I don't know. I don't want to go through this again, and there is no way to guarantee that it won't happen. And I have no idea how I can ever be sure that I'm over him. It all still hurts so much. I don't know that there's anyone out there that I'll love as much as I love him.

Matilda and Mathard and Michard have all been really good to me. Michard has been keeping an eye on me. Apparently he's even been trying to give Mathard gifts of potions to say thank you for taking care of me. Matilda took me off to the baths to talk, and gave me plenty of advice. And Mathard's been sweetest of all. We talked for hours and hours the other day, so long that I fell asleep in front of the fire in the Pride, and he woke me up the next morning with breakfast.

Wynn told me that Tia thinks Mathard is in love with me. Neither of us are quite sure how she came to that conclusion, and I don't know that she's right. I know he cares about me. He proved that the day he went out and punched Wynn. And he's been really kind and sweet ever since Wynn and I split up, listening to me talk, and giving me tons of advice, trying me make me smile. He even gave me a handful of flowers earlier to try to cheer me up. But I don't know that that necessarily means anything.

I mentioned what Wynn had said about Mathard to Matilda, and she told me to be careful around him, that if he does feel like that, then I need to think about Zazi and Thomas. She also thinks I need a serious break from romance anyway. And I'm not remotely ready to even think about anyone else. Mathard is one of my best friends, and I think he's probably just being sweet because I'm feeling the way I am.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]