City of Arabel

[Silverstar]

16/08/04

Today started off well, at least. I wish it could have stayed that way...

I went into the market, and Zenobia spotted me and came over and gave me a coded message to meet her on the island at the Bresk Estate. She left, and before I went after her, I spotted that strange man staring at me again. I went over to him to let him know that Samille had his book, but he didn't speak, and simply stepped away when I tried to talk to him.

I met Zeno, and we spent some time enjoying each other's company away from the city, talking about all kinds of things. While we were there, an announcement went out to me from Wynn, warning me to be careful if I went out to the Glade, and telling me to talk to Amilyndria for more information. Neither of us could work out what he meant, but we figured that maybe he knew that the two of us went out there sometimes, and perhaps he knew of someone spying on us or something. I was quite annoyed that he hadn't come and found me himself to tell me ... I hadn't seen him for days, and assumed that he must be avoiding me, for some reason.

As the two of us left the Bresk Estate, the Baroness was coming in with a half-orc named Tyro. She asked to speak to us, and took us into the manor, giving us food and drink and asking us to wait until she had finished working on some armour. When she came back, she took us upstairs, and sat down with us, telling us that she had changed her mind about helping us, and was willing to give us whatever aid we needed with regards to the law that was being proposed. She said that she would attempt to get it stopped, but if worst came to the worst, she would give us shelter at the estate. I can't believe she's willing to do that for us. I'm so grateful to her.

So, all in all, a nice morning. Shame the afternoon wasn't so nice ...

I went to the market, and decided to let Sasa out for the first time. She was fine, and none of the guards said anything, but after a while, a few people came up and started going on about how it was illegal for me to have her in the city. I explained that I'd checked with the War Wizard, who had said it was fine, but they wouldn't listen, and in the end, I figured it was just easier to get Sasa back into my pack.

The strange man was staring at me again, and then left abruptly.

I spotted Wynn, after a while, standing by the stream that runs round the temple. I went over to him to say hello ... Gods, he looks awful. His armour is darker ... with tarnish or dirt, I couldn't say, and he looks as though he hasn't slept for a week. I asked him what was wrong. He kept staring into the water, and muttered something about trying, but he couldn't, and he'd promised Kurenai to tell her first. I didn't have a clue what he was talking about, until he mentioned that the water here wasn't deep enough, and I realised he must have been considering committing suicide ...

He asked me if I'd spoken to Amilyndria, and I told him I hadn't. He said he'd been looking for it so that I could be safe at the Glade. I asked him what he had been looking for, and he said it was a wolf and a man ... both at once. I realised he meant a werewolf ... he'd been trying to track down a werewolf to make the Glade safe for me ... oh gods ... I asked him not to ... not to go near it. He said I should be happy, because he knew I liked the Glade. I told him there were plenty of other places I liked too, and I could easily go there instead ... that I didn't want to see him hurt. He told me he couldn't be hurt ... not anymore ... and then walked away.

I tried to follow him, but he wouldn't stop, and in the end, I gave up. I went to talk to Kurenai ... to find out what it was he'd promised her. She asked me where he'd gone, and said that she'd thought I'd gone back to him. I don't understand why she keeps thinking that he wants me back ... he doesn't ...

She went after him, and I stayed in the city for a while. That man kept looking at me again, and then stalked off. I got sick of waiting around, and went running out the East Gate after them all. As I was heading into the Glade, that man walked towards me, and stopped and looked at me again. I just told him to say whatever it was he needed to say to me ... to stop staring at me. He just walked away.

I found Kurenai and some man in the glade, and they insisted I head back to the city, and they would find Wynn. Again, people send me away the moment that things look dangerous! Why?! I sighed and agreed and headed back to the city, passing Wynn on the way. I stopped and called out to him, but he just kept going. I went and sat down by a tree at the side of the road, my head in my hands. What is the point?

Wynn came back, and came to stand near me in silence. I told him he didn't have to talk to me, but I just wanted to help him. He said he knew. I told him I was scared that he was losing himself. He told me he was so tired, but he had too much to do. I asked him to come and sit with me and he did. I thought I might be able to get him to talk, but just then, Kurenai arrived, and started talking to him. She said he had something to tell her, and told him not to lie to her. He said it was a moment, but that he had too much to do to leave like that. A small watermark appears here. He must have thought about killing himself ... he must still be thinking about it when he's done whatever it is he thinks he has to ... oh, Lady ... please don't let him .. He said that once he had done his duty, he could rest ... he means die, not rest ...

He got up and walked away, and Kurenai chased after him, trying to stop him. For a moment, he looked like the old Wynn again ... my Wynn ... and he told her to take care of me. Then he walked off back towards the city. She went after him, but I ... I couldn't ... not right then. The man Kurenai was with, Xan, asked me if Wynn had been mean to me, and I shook my head, telling him that I loved him, but he was falling apart. Xan told me to kiss him and give him a present ... I wish things were that simple. He suggested I ask Wynn to marry me ... I could only laugh. He asked me why I didn't just tell Wynn I loved him ... but he knows ... Wynn knows I do.

I went back to the city, and found Kurenai hunting for Wynn. He'd vanished again. How does he do that? She came up to me, right in my face, and asked me why, if I was so sure Wynn didn't want me, the last thing he'd said to her was to ask her to take care of me. I just felt like crying. If I could make Wynn better by going back to him ... things would be easy ... at least I'd know what I could do ... even if the decision was hard ... but it wouldn't work. I know it wouldn't. Zeno told me it wouldn't. I told Kurenai he was going to break my heart again if he carried on this way. She said she thought he was after someone, and I told her about the werewolf he'd mentioned, and also Zeno's suspicions that he's after Aeriel. She suggested that she might help him ... that killing Aeriel might bring him back to normal. Gods, can't she see?! My Wynn would never kill anyone ... would never harm anyone! If he kills her, attacks her ... he'll go right over the edge, and he won't come back. She told me he wasn't just my Wynn anymore ... I said he wasn't mine at all anymore. My Wynn disappeared the moment Anna left him, and the man that's there now ... I don't know who he is anymore.

Watermarks cover the bottom of the page. I'm going to lose him. Even though he left me ... I could have coped ... I could have dealt with it ... we were friends ... we were still friends ... I still had him in my life. My Wynn is fading though ... and soon there will be nothing left of him. I love him ... I love Zeno ... I love them both. If going back to Wynn would make him better... would bring him back ... what would I do? I don't even have that choice, though. Going to him wouldn't help ... nothing will help. I just ... I can't bear to think of him dying alone somewhere, away from all the people that love him ... I want to be there for him. Or worse ... if he goes after Aeriel, even if he succeeds, he'll be caught and executed like a common criminal. He still cares about me ... I know he does... so why won't he let me near him? Why won't he let me help? Why can't I see what to do? Why isn't there anything I can do? Wynn ... why won't you let me help you?
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

18/08/04

Again, I miss a day. I'm hopeless at this.

Yesterday ... hmm ... well, Zenobia got sent to jail for threatening the man that we thought was stalking me. Aeriel put some kind of restraining order on him, telling him he was no longer allowed within fifty feet of me. It was quite a relief ... I had been beginning to worry slightly, every time I saw him.

We went out to the Wolf, and I told Zeno about my concerns about Wynn ... about what I thought he was going to do. While I was there, the innkeeper handed me a letter that Wynn had left for me. A single line ... 'I can't be near you anymore'. It scared me ... why couldn't he be near me? What had I done? Zeno and I decided to head out and look for him and Amilyndria ... hoping that even if we couldn't find him, Amil might be able to tell us some more about what he'd been doing. We came across the two of them just outside the East Gate, but Wynn ran away the moment we arrived. We talked to Amilyndria a little about it, about her banishment, and about Aeriel and Melissa. She seemed to think that the whole idea of a law was ludicrous, and wouldn't ever happen, and that Aeriel had been making it up. I hope she's right ... although I have no idea why Aeriel would. We left Amil with some oil flasks and some healing bags, until she was allowed back into the city.

I wanted to talk to Anna ... see if she had any bright ideas about what we could do. I found her, but then she and Zeno were needed to help out on a job. I said I'd wait for them in the Dragon, but after a while, I got bored and went for a wander round the market. As I did so, I spotted Anna and some of the others they had gone with. I asked her where Zeno was ... she told me ... she told me that she had fallen in battle ...

We rushed to the temple and luckily Sparhawk was there … he raised her … I was so happy to see her …

Eventually the three of us, Zeno, Anna and I made it to the Dragon and spent a time discussing ideas about what we could do for Wynn … coming up with a grand total of nothing. Somehow the conversation ended up with the two of them teasing me as much as they could about my relationship with Zenobia … I was so embarrassed …

As Zeno and I left the inn, we found Wynn outside with Kurenai and Drom. Drom was yelling at him to get some sleep … Wynn was … acting so strangely. As soon as he caught sight of me, he shouted that he couldn’t be near me, and ran off. We tried to follow him, but he kept saying that she’d said he’d done something wrong, and told him he wasn’t allowed near me. I hadn’t got a clue what he was talking about … he just ran off. Kurenai went after him … I followed, but she kept yelling at me to keep away. What gives her the right? Zeno and I tried to puzzle out what he meant by the things he was saying, but we couldn’t.

Zeno and I were standing by the fountain in the centre of the city, with the Baroness and some House Bresk retainers, when Samille came over. She whispered to me that she’s spoken to the man in the helm and tried to give his book back, but he wouldn’t take it. She told me to be careful, because she thought he was very strange, and might be dangerous. I explained that Zenobia had spoken to Aeriel, and she’d told him to keep away from me from now on … and then it hit me. ‘She’ told him to keep away … Aeriel had told Wynn to keep away … it was Wynn under that helm all the time … it was Wynn who had been watching me … he was keeping an eye on me, not stalking me … and that’s why he ran away everytime he saw me … that’s why he sent me the note …

I told Zeno and she quickly realised that I must be right. Just then, Kurenai came over, and asked to speak to me. She took me aside, and told me that Wynn had asked me to tell her he wasn’t allowed near me. I told her we knew that now, we understood, and that it had all been a misunderstanding … that she was to tell him that we’d sort it out as soon as possible. She kept calling him her ‘lord’ … she seems to believe she is now sworn in his service. She said she wanted a word with Zenobia alone, so I stepped away and went to lean on the railing by the fountain. I saw the man in the helm walk past me … I saw Wynn walk past me … and he stopped to look at me again. I didn’t say anything … just let him watch for a moment, then walk away.

Zeno came back and told me that Kurenai had warned us to stay away from Wynn, and threatened violence if we refused to obey her wishes. I got so mad … how dare she tell me to stay away? What right does she have to tell me how to handle any of this? Was she here when any of this happened? Was she involved in any of it? I went after her, ready to yell … we found her, and she said that she meant for Zeno to stay away, and that until the order was lifted, I legally couldn’t go near him either. Although I was annoyed that she was insisting Zeno stay away, even I have to admit that the two of them have a habit of irritating each other. Kurenai said that she was making progress with Wynn, that he was starting to talk, to say things. She wouldn’t tell me what he’d said. I asked her to let me know what he was saying, and she said that she would tell me only what she was allowed to. I told her that I refused to be pushed out of the way here … that I wasn’t having her tell me what I could and couldn’t do. I told her I needed to know what was going on, and she asked me if I thought I had the right to know. Hells, what is wrong with that woman? If anybody in Arabel has the right to know what is going on with Wynn, I think I do. She told me that if I really thought I had the right, then I should fight for it. Then she left. She makes me so angry! Who does she think she is?

The Baroness asked Zeno and I told help her with some work, but in the end, we had to turn back. A shame … Zeno is so keen to become a retainer for the Bresks … it would be nice to be able to do my bit too, and help out where I can.

I sent Aeriel a letter asking her to remove the ban on Wynn coming near me.

Today … what happened today? I got up and Sasa was complaining about being stuck in my pack all the time, so I figured I’d go for a walk over to the Bresk estate so that she could come out and fly for a bit. I let her free and went to sit down and snooze for a while. After a bit, Sasa came back with Zeno … turns out Sasa had managed to introduce herself to Theo and to Tyro … I’m pretty sure she was being annoying, although she swore she wasn’t. Zeno suggested we go down to the manor house. As we got there, Theo and the Baroness were coming out … Sasa decided to introduce herself to the Baroness … well, she pointed at Natassia and loudly asked if ‘that was a Baroness’, anyway. Idiotic creature.

I went looking for Aeriel to ask her about the restraining order, as she hadn’t replied to my letter. She kept vanishing when I got near her … it’s very irritating. Eventually I tracked her down at the Bresk estate, and finally got to talk to her. I asked her about removing the order … she insisted on knowing who the man was, and could barely believe it when I told her it was Wynn. She was reluctant to remove it at all … I practically had to beg, and she told me that he was pretty much my responsibility now. Zeno told her that she believed Wynn was after her … I wish she hadn’t. I swear Aeriel is going mad too. I hope Wynn doesn’t attack her … it’s not going to end well, whatever happens.

Anna asked us to help with a job for the alchemist. While we were waiting for everyone to get ready, I spotted Wynn standing nearby. I got close enough to him for him to hear me, and explained that Aeriel had said he could come near me again now. I gradually edged closer and closer, hoping that he wouldn’t take off running again, but he didn’t. He said something about me being there when Drom tried to trick him .. I said that I had never tried to trick him. He said Zeno wanted to kill him and he should have let her. I told him that she didn’t, that she wouldn’t … that I wouldn’t let her. He said Kurenai said she would take care of him … I told him that I would take care of him too … that I’d promised I’d always love him and I’d always be there for him. He listened … I don’t know if he took it in. Just then, Zeno arrived, and Wynn immediately ran off. Hells … he won’t let her near him at all.

We went on the job for the alchemist. For the most part, it went really well. I did a lot of luring and sneaking … I enjoy that part … feeling like I can move around anywhere I like with no one seeing me. I stepped on a trap at one point, though. I was pretty badly hurt … luckily, Anna was there to help. However, when we got to the other side of the cavern system, I was too busy fiddling with traps to pay much attention, and the last thing I remember was something hitting me in the back.

I woke up in the Lady’s House … Zeno was in tears. I was pretty shaky, so she picked me up and carried me back to the Dragon, where I fell asleep. When I woke up, we spent some time together, talking and … other things …

Zeno went off to do some work, and I hung around the market for a while. Amon came over to ask if I wanted to sit for my portrait now. I explained that after my accident earlier, I was low on funds. Wynn was nearby, and noticed me sighing as I checked my purse. He came over and asked me what was wrong. I explained my lack of money. He still looked terrible, and when Amon came back over to suggest we found some work so that I could earn money, I could see the horror in his eyes as he looked at Wynn. Wynn immediately said that he could see I was busy, and walked away.

Amon suggested we help the Dragons with some things, and I went off to see if I could find us a healer to go with us. As I wandered around, I spotted Wynn again. I went up to him, telling him he had to get some sleep or he’d burn out. Just then, Amon put out an announcement asking for people to aid us, and Wynn looked up, saying he’d heard someone asking for aid. I wondered if perhaps he might actually find helping people to be beneficial to him, and asked him if he wanted to come along. He said he did … that sometimes he couldn’t help, but he did want to. I was really pleased … he actually seemed slightly interested in something.

Amon, Wynn and I went to the warehouse. Amon began to pray to his god, and Wynn seemed to think he needed to do something to, but he didn’t seem to know what it was. I asked if he should pray to Sune … he did, but when he looked in his shield afterwards, he looked horrified. I don’t know whether it was because of how bad he looked or if he saw something else in there …

We went in. Amon is a brave warrior … good at strategy and tactics, but Wynn paid little heed to what we were saying to him and kept rushing ahead. I kept having to tell him what to do. Ironic … I always wanted to be a mother to Wynn’s children … I never thought I’d end up mothering Wynn, but that’s how it felt.

At one point, Amon stepped on a trap, and fell, bleeding on the floor. Wynn had rushed off ahead, but I called to him to come back. He cast a healing spell just in time … he saved Amon’s life. I was so proud of him. I told him that … I pointed out he’d saved Amon with Sune’s gifts … hoping that he’d feel good about himself, about his goddess.

Later, on our way back out, I warned Wynn to watch his feet, hoping he wouldn’t step on a trap. He seemed to think for a moment, then said he remembered, I asked him what he remembered, and he said he remembered that you shouldn’t find traps with your feet. That was something I’d told him, along time ago when we were still together … we’d joked about him always seeming to find traps by stepping on them, and I’d told him I’d give him lessons on how to find traps with his eyes, not his feet. A tiny thing, but it made me happy to think he remembered it … that he still remembered things like that … it meant he hadn’t lost Wynn completely.

When we came out and went back to report to the Dragons, Zeno found us. Wynn ran off, but whether because of Zeno or because Amon was trying to give him his reward for the work, I don’t know. Zeno got quite upset, saying how useless she was, that she only wanted to apologise to Wynn and to help him. I wish he’d let her near him. I suggested she have a word with the Baroness, in case she was able to help … Wynn respects her and listens to her … maybe she might be able to get through to him …
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

20/08/04

Zeno, Anna, Ky'ran and I were planning a job for the Dragons yesterday when Aeriel put out a message for all her friends to meet her in the Pride for a gathering of some sort. I wasn't sure I really counted as a friend, but Zeno wanted to go, so Anna and I followed. Aeriel was stupidly drunk when we got there ... ranting about how she was an incompetant whore and everyone hated her. We tried our best to calm her down and reassure her that she wasn't and people didn't, but I don't think it got through. Zeno thinks that she's lost sight of who she is ... that becoming a War Wizard has made her lose her own identity. I think she's having a nervous breakdown. Why are so many people losing track of themselves at the moment? Wynn ... now Aeriel ... who next?

We eventually went on the job ... to deal with trouble at a warehouse. When we came out, a note and a ring had been left outside. Anna recognised the ring as one she had given to Wynn, and I picked up the note, which was a strange, cryptic message. There were odd, cryptic names for people ... we figured out that the Child of Hanali must be Anna, Ky'ran was the Paladin in Grey, Orax was the One Named After a Miner's Tool, and I was ... I was the One he Hurt ... He must have heard us joking around before we started work ... Anna joking that she was after Ky'ran, and then joking that she wanted to seduce me. He must have taken her seriously ...

After a while, Anna, Zeno and I headed back to the market. Anna and Zeno started arm-wrestling for some reason, and I figured I'd go get some shopping while they were busy, telling them I'd be back in a few minutes. I headed over to Jarto and bought a few items from him, then spoke with Kurenai for a moment. Zenobia came over and asked why I'd run off, why I was mad at her? I hadn't a clue what she meant. I told her I'd just gone to get some shopping ... she didn't believe me ... said I was acting strangely and she seemed to believe I was lying. I told her I wasn't, and she got angry and stormed off towards the Dragon.

I found her in our room, crying. I asked her what in the hells she was going on about and she said that she thought I was mad at her. I asked her why she didn't trust me, and she said she did. Strange little argument. I'm not sure whether she doesn't really trust me, or whether she doesn't trust herself. I tried to explain to her that, while we were together, and we did share a life, sometimes we had to do things on our own too. She doesn't seem to like me doing anything on my own ... talking to people without her there ... spending time doing things that she's not involved in. I don't know what she thinks I'm going to do. Have I ever given her reason to think that I'm the sort of person to just run off and leave her? She should realise by now ... I don't do that. I'd never do that. We made up eventually, but it did make me think.

Today ... Zeno died again. Gods ... I hate it. I know that I can bring her back ... I know that ... but still ... everytime something like that happens, it scares me. What if this time is the time it doesn't work? What if this time, I'm really going to lose someone I love?

Zenobia later told me about an odd conversation she'd had with Wynn the day before. Sounds like he really has lost the plot. Hells ... I'm really worried. And what makes me more worried is not knowing what it is that Kurenai is whispering in his ear the whole time. Apart from the fact that she seems to have some strange confusion over whether she wants me back with Wynn or whether she wants to force me away and not let me near him, if I thought she was really helping him, I wouldn't mind her being around him so much. The trouble is, I'm not sure that she is in the slightest. From comments that both she and Wynn have made ... I'm afraid that she's either pushing him towards the idea of suicide, or she's encouraging him in his plans to attack Aeriel. Or both. Zenobia suggested that perhaps she's after Wynn herself, in a romantic way. I know it's none of my business ... but I'm really not sure that even that is a good thing. My personal thought is that Wynn needs to stay away from romantic relationships for a good time ... he's eighteen years old ... he's been married once, almost married once ... he's thought he'd found the love of his life three times. Wynn honestly believes that being head over heels in love is the only thing that matters in life. I wish he could learn to see that there is so much more to life than simply that, wonderful though it is. If he simply rebounds straight into yet another relationship, he'll never have the chance to learn that, and he'll be miserable for the rest of his life every second that he is not with his true love, whoever that turns out to be. And if Kurenai gets involved with him when he's in this state, and then it doesn't work out, I dread to think what would happen. I just want him to get better and be happy ... I wish I knew how to do that. I wish he'd tell me how.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

21/08/04

Why can't I get through to him? Why does he believe that I'm out to get him ... to trick him? All that time that we were together, and now he believes I'd lie to him.

I finally managed to spend a bit of time on my own with Wynn today. I met him and Kurenai in the east part of the city on my way through with a delivery for the DeSchurr estate, so I stopped to chat awhile. I suggested to Wynn that maybe when I'd finished my delivery, we could go for a walk and talk for a bit. I wanted to introduce Sasa to him. I thought maybe she'd cheer him up slightly ... providing she behaved herself, of course. To my surprise, Kurenai seemed to think it a great idea, and even told Wynn to go with me to the DeSchurr estate. I can't work her out. Is she really after Wynn? And if she is, why was she so keen for him to go off with me? And why did she tell me to take him to the bathhouse? Was she hoping something would happen between Wynn and I when we got there? I'm really confused. I wish I could work out what she wanted out of all of this.

We went to the estate, and on the way, Wynn told me Kurenai had given him a belt to ward off darkness, and he'd given her a flower. I guess I must have sounded less than enthusiastic when I told him that it was nice ... I'm just worried about him falling in love again right now ... because he picked up on it and told me I sounded like Zenobia. I told him to choose somewhere he'd like to go, and we'd walk out there. He said he wanted to go out to the Bresk Estate, to show me where he goes. I like it out there, so I agreed.

House Bresk's artist was coming out of the gates as we arrived, and stopped for a moment to talk. She spoke quietly with Wynn for a while, and I heard him tell her that Kurenai and I were taking care of him, which I was pleased about ... that he realised that I wanted to help him. She came over to me and told me he wasn't well, and I needed to look after him. I told her I was really trying to, and she said that was sweet.

Wynn took me up to the Bresk graveyard, and told me he came up there a lot. I haven't a clue why he'd choose a graveyard to sit in. I suggested we went over to the small island so that we could sit and talk ... sitting chatting in a graveyard seems wrong to me. We sat down, and I asked him what he'd been up to. He said he'd been waiting. For what, I asked, and he said for the merchant to get him something. I asked what it was, and he said it was a gemstone that would hold spells, and he needed it so he could do his duty. I asked him what his duty was, and he replied that it was to serve Sune and not let anyone interfere with her concerns. I figured he meant Aeriel, and asked him if he did, He said yes, amongst other people. I tried to explain how the whole thing about the law coming into force had been a misunderstanding, and it wasn't going to happen. He frowned, then told me I was like Drom and was trying to trick him, then took off running. I couldn't catch him.

I've written him a note, telling him that I'd never ever lie to him or try to trick him. I'll either give it to him next time I see him, or give it to Kurenai to give to him, I guess. I can't believe he'd think that of me. Why is he so keen to trust Kurenai, and so eager to believe that I'd lie to him, that I'd break promises and try to trick him? I'm the woman he was going to marry. I'm the woman he loved. Why is he being like this with me?

I didn't see Zenobia today. I hope I see her tomorrow. It's good for us to have a bit of time to ourselves occasionally, but I need to talk to someone who understands how I'm feeling about all of this. I hope she's had a good day. I did miss her.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

25/08/04

Not an awful lot has happened recently.

Zenobia went away for a while to go to Suzail to visit the temple to the Red Knight there. We discovered recently that she seems to be developing some kind of healing power, and she went to the temple to find out whether or not they would accept her as a paladin. She sent me a letter today telling me that she thought that she would be accepted. It's really great! I know how much she wanted it, and she'll be really happy. If she gets accepted as a retainer for House Bresk too, she'll be over the moon. I don't know what it is with me and paladins though ...

Wynn is still acting oddly, although, I managed to talk to him for a while today, and he actually seemed to be listening properly for a change. I'm going to try to get him to come for a picnic or something with me tomorrow, and see if getting him away from the city, and beginning to talk to him about how he used to be and remind him of all the good times will start to bring him back to the old Wynn.

Seems there's something slightly odd going on regarding the Bresks. I've heard a few things about crimes being committed by people in Bresk colours. I know it's not going to actually be any of them, but it sounds to me like someone is trying to discredit them again. Zeno won't be happy about it when she gets back.

That's about it for now. I'll write again when something interesting happens.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

26/08/04

I'm really beginning to wonder if it's even worth trying with Wynn anymore. No matter what I say or do, he never seems to listen and he always ends up running off. It's like he doesn't even really want to be helped. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he likes being the way he is at the moment.

He stopped being my responsibility the moment he left me. Why am I still chasing around after him? Slight ink mark where the pen has rested for a few moments. Because I said I'd always be his friend, I guess. Because I said I'd always love him and be there for him. Does that even mean I should be there when he doesn't want me there? Sometimes I wish I didn't have to. Life would be a lot easier if I didn't. Maybe I should just give up and block him out, and concentrate on my life with Zeno. It's not fair on her to have me chasing around after Wynn all the time, and I know she feels awful everytime he pushes her away. Maybe I should.

I wish I could.

Bromsay went missing from the manor today. He just disappeared in a blinding flash of light whilst fetching lemonade for Zeno, Tyro and I. We searched everywhere, but we never found him. I hope he's ok, wherever he is.

I spent a bit of time with Anna today. Odd, but we seem to have become much better friends after the whole Wynn mess than we were before, even though the two of us were, for a while, competing for the same man. We had a lot of fun messing around and making each other laugh. She cheered me up quite a bit. Shame Zeno couldn't have been there too.

Zenobia has been accepted as a paladin, which is fantastic news. I'm so pleased for her. I know how much she wanted it.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

27/08/04

Well, today was a surprise. A really good one.

I met Anna and Zeno outside the city this morning. Anna was telling Zeno all about our time at the island yesterday, which was really funny. Zenobia suddenly went all weird and went and sat on the guard tower. When we asked he what was wrong, she told us about Bromsay being killed, and how no one could find his body.

Anna went off to donate some money for his resurrection, and I sat with Zeno. She was really depressed about Bromsay, about Wynn and everything else. I tried to cheer her up a little, and I thought it had worked. Anna came back and suggested we go and do some work for the alchemist. I guess Zenobia wasn't too keen, but I wanted to go so that I could actually be doing something for a change. Zeno and I headed to the Dragon for some rest before we headed out.

It turned out we couldn't rest at the Dragon because the rooms were being made up, but we sat in our room for a while, and talked. Seems that she was as worried about our relationship as much as about everything else. I tried to reassure her that I wasn't planning on going anywhere, but she didn't seem to believe me.

We headed over to the Traveller to get some proper rest, and I went into a room to wait for her while she was paying for her room. When she came over, she completely ignored me and walked into the room next door, shutting the door on me. I felt really bad ... I'd obviously done something to upset her. I quickly left my room and headed out to meet Anna and the others.

When Zeno finally came out, she seemed to be in a bad mood again, so I just kept out of her way. We set off to the cave we were told to go to, but Zenobia refused to let me do my job and check things out, choosing instead to go rushing off ahead on her own. After a while, with everyone yelling at her to stop, and her yelling back that if we didn't like it, we could all just leave and she'd do the job on her own, Anna marched us all back out of the cave. Zenobia ran off, and I apologised to the others. I couldn't understand why she was being like that. The others left, and I stayed outside the cave. I was so mad at her. I didn't understand what was wrong ... why she was treating me like that.

After a while, she came back out found me, apologising for everything. She said that she had shamed me and dishonoured herself when she ignored me at the Traveller. I told her that it didn't matter, and asked her why she spent so much time getting mad and yelling at me, as though she wanted to push me away. She's always telling me she doesn't deserve to have me love her, that I shouldn't love her. I told her it seemed like she was trying to find reasons for me not to love her, and that if she wanted to split up with me that much, she should just come out and say so.

She seemed shocked that I'd even say that. She asked me if I could forgive her and if I still loved her. I told her I did, but that I couldn't handle all of this pushing me away all the time. She told me that she didn't want to push me away, that she wanted to be with me forever.

Then she got down on one knee and asked me to marry her.

About a million things went through my head when she said that. Reasons why I couldn't, reasons why it was a bad idea, all the things that had made me say no every time she'd mentioned the idea before ... but as I opened my mouth to say that I couldn't, not yet ... I heard myself say yes. And when I saw the expression on Zenobia's face, I knew that I'd said the right thing. I love her, and she loves me, and I know that she thinks the world of me. I know she'd never leave me. I know that I want to be with her. I know everything will be ok.

There are so many issues that we'll need to talk about. I don't even know if we can legally get married ... I've never heard of it before. Maybe we'll just have to hope that one of our cleric friends is willing to perform a ceremony even if it isn't traditional. I'll most likely have to come to terms with not having kids, but ... well, I love Zeno, and if I can't, then I guess I can't. At least I'll have her. And I suppose I've always got Sasa ... she's as much trouble as a whole bundle of children.

I'm really happy. I didn't think I would be. I thought that when Zenobia asked me, like I always knew she would one day, I'd feel scared and trapped and wrong, but I don't. I just feel happy. Zeno isn't the person I always thought I'd marry ... nothing like the person I had in my head when I was a little girl ... but if we love each other, what does it matter?
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

29/08/04

Well, that's it. I give up. Wynn isn't interested in anything I have to say to him. He sits there, he hears what I'm telling him, and it all goes in one ear and out the other, and he comes out with ridiculous answers. He's so stubborn! He wouldn't even hug me earlier when Zeno and I told him that we'd got engaged. I don't think anything I do or say is ever going to make the slightest bit of difference. So, I'm not going to bother anymore. If he wants to talk to me, if he wants my help, he can come and find me. If he doesn't, then I'll just let him get on with doing whatever the hell he wants to do. I think he and I splitting up was probably a good thing. Marrying him might well have been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Let Anna or Kurenai or someone he actually cares about sort him out, because he obviously couldn't care less about me anymore.

Zenobia is already planning our wedding. She has lists of people to invite already written out. It's so sweet. She's absolutely over the moon about the whole thing. We talked a little about it today. I told her that I'd figured that not having children was something I could deal with. She still says she's trying to find a way. She wants us to have a baby daughter one day. I'm still not sure how we'd ever manage that, but if we do, I'll be even happier. I'm concentrating on Zenobia from now on. Wynn can do what he likes ... and if he needs me, he can come and find me. I'm not chasing after him any more.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

04/09/04

Well, lots of nice things are happening at the moment, which is fantastic!

Zenobia and I have had a few arguments and disagreements recently, but we always manage to make up, and we seem to get closer every time. She's the only person in the whole world that I feel comfortable arguing with. That doesn't sound like a good thing, but it is. I know that no matter how much we fight, we'll be ok. We always make up, and we never stop loving each other. It's really nice.

We haven't got a whole lot of things worked out for the wedding yet. Zenobia has a million and one ideas, so I'm leaving a lot of it up to her. She's far better at organising things than I am. I really need to save up enough to get her a good ring, though. I don't have enough at the moment, but maybe if I work hard ...

Anna has agreed to be our cleric for the ceremony. She wasn't sure at first, as neither of us are elves and she's never done a wedding for two women before, but after reading through her goddess' dogma for a while, she came and told us that she could and would be happy to do the ceremony for us, which is fantastic. I'd much rather a good friend of ours did it than someone we barely know.

And the final good thing that's happened ... Wynn is back! The old Wynn, I mean. Kurenai and I talked to him for a long time in the Night Wolf yesterday evening. I really haven't a clue how we did it, but one or other of us must have found the magic words, because he started talking in proper sentences and using people's names again. He's even smiling and joking and hugging people. Having him back is just wonderful. I've figured, he and I are good friends now, and he's the closest thing I have to family here in Arabel, apart from Zenobia, so from now on, he's going to be my big brother. I'm not sure how happy he is about this idea, but never mind ...

He's agreed to give a blessing or a speech or something for me at the wedding. He was talking about wanting to get me a thank-you present for helping him, but I'd much rather he did that for me. I think it would be really lovely. He's apparently already given Zenobia the 'hurt her and you die' speech. I wish I'd been there ...

Seems that Zeno's told a fair few people about it now. Melissa came up and congratulated me, and said something about us not necessarily being able to persuade her to wear a bridesmaids dress, but to make sure we told her when it was. Lizzy also congratulated me. I really like her. I wonder whether we should invite her? And maybe Kurenai too, now that she and I are getting on so much better. I don't know whether or not she still doesn't approve or us, but perhaps she'd like to come? Maybe. I'll have to have a word with Zenobia, and see what she thinks.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

7/09/04

Hmm, what's happened the last few days?

Wynn's agreed to give a blessing at our wedding. I'm really pleased about that. I really have started thinking about him as a brother, and it's great that he's willing to do that for me. When we ever get the whole thing organised, of course. I haven't a clue where the Baroness has gone, and we can't really go ahead with organising things until she's back.

I think Lizzy has a crush on Wynn. She kept blushing every time someone mentioned him earlier, and kept talking about what a wonderful person he was. I suppose she doesn't know about the fact that Wynn and I used to be together, as she was asking me whether I thought he was nice and so on. I didn't mention it, just told her that he was lovely, but maybe I ought to have a word with her at some point. I don't think he's really ready for that kind of thing again just yet, and I wouldn't want her getting hurt.

I'm a little worried about the fact that he is so close to Kurenai. I know it's absolutely none of my business, but I'd hate to think he might end up getting together with someone who seems to disapprove of Zenobia and I so much. I'd probably rarely be allowed near him, and Zenobia certainly wouldn't. And that would be a real shame. I wish Zeno and Kurenai could sort themselves out. I understand why Zenobia doesn't like her ... she has said some pretty hurtful things to the two of us recently, but I'd rather just forgive and forget than start some kind of feud.

Zenobia and I have had a few bad arguments over the last few days. Yesterday, she went into a complete state over the fact that for some reason, she believed that I didn't trust her. This was something to do with me telling her I found Private Bremmer funny, when she seems convinced that he's actually evil, and something to do with me asking her not to shout at Kurenai. Plus the fact that she got really mad about Kurenai and stormed off, and I decided to give her some space to calm down instead of going after her, and went for a drink with Lizzy instead. It turned out to be nothing to do with any of this. One of her good friends ... male friends .. had kissed her the other day, and she was totally horrified by it, and terrified that I'd be angry at her if I found out. Silly woman. We sorted all of that out, thankfully.

Today was my turn to get mad. We went on a job together with Ajax and Ky'ran and a couple of others. All big strong fighters. And then there's me - the scout. But would Zeno let me do my job? No chance. I might get hurt. So instead Ky'ran and Ajax did all of the scouting and luring and so on, and all she'd let me do was hang at the back, picking up gold. I was so angry! What is the point of taking me along if she won't let me do my job? She wants to wrap me in cotton and lock me away somewhere in a padded room so that I can't get hurt by anything. I know she worries about me, and I know she's terrified of losing me, but for the Lady's sake! She treats me like I'm a three year old. I hate it. I yelled at her a little, and we had a long talk about it. I think we've sorted it out. She seems to think that because I don't try to do the same to her, it means I don't care about her. I really don't understand her sometimes.

I hope arguments like this aren't going to be too common. I don't think they will, and we do always make up in the end, but I just can't bear being treated like I'm made of glass.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

08/09/04

I read a bit of Zeno's journal last night. I hope she never finds out, or she'll start to think I don't trust her again.

It seemed that even though I'd spent hours with her explaining to her why I act as I do with regards to her being in danger, she still believed that I didn't care about her. We went on a job today, and I was intending to make a bit of a fuss over her to make her feel better, but then she nearly managed to get herself killed, and I ended up doing it for real. Trying to stop her from rushing in and asking her to hang back with her bow. I even ended up yelling at her for stepping on traps. It seemed to make her feel a lot better, so I'm glad about that. I really do care about her ... I love her ... and I don't want her thinking I don't. She let me do my job without a single word of complaint today. It felt so much better to be able to get on with it in peace.

Seems that Wynn is quite keen on Lizzy too. He hasn't said anything, but I spent a bit of time with him today, and he kept dropping her name into the conversation every few minutes. I'd really like him to end up with someone like her. Not that it's any of my business who he ends up with. But it would be nice if it was someone I really liked and got on with. Maybe I'll try a bit of matchmaking ...

He and I spent a while showing a lady named Rohanna round the city today. We were both in our blue and purple tunics, and she seemed to think we must be in some sort of faction because we looked so alike. It was quite funny. Wynn told her that we weren't, but that I was a 'Bresk Hanger-On', which made me laugh, although I suppose that is what I'll be if Zeno ever gets that retainer position. I really need to start buying custom made clothes and not things bought straight off the rack at the tailors. I have a tunic which makes me and Wynn look like twins when he wears his too, he bought Kurenai a dress which is very similar to a tunic I own ... thank the gods Zeno made me dye her turquoise tunic red ... at least I can wear my turquoise dress in peace. Mind you, she made me buy that dress and dye it red to match hers, so I still do match. I just look like I'm copying all my friends now. Oh well, at least they all have good taste ...

I'm starting to wonder whether something about me is depressing Wynn. I see him around quite a lot, and he's often chatting to some girl or other, and when he does, he chats and he smiles and he seems happy. Whenever I talk to him, he seems to get very quiet, rarely smiles, and gets quite grumpy. I don't know what I've done to deserve that. Zeno said that maybe he just knows me so well that he doesn't feel he needs to keep up the cheerful act when I'm around, but I don't know. I wonder if he's just not really that interested in being friends any more. Or quite possibly I could be imagining the whole thing. That's most likely, I suppose. I hope.

I hope the Baroness gets back soon. I want to start getting the wedding plans organised. I wonder if we could get permission to use the estate from Melanie or one of the other retainers instead? I know Zeno wants Natassia there, so we'd still wait til she got back to actually have it, but at least once we know where we can hold it, we can start planning things properly. I need to find a dress ... and get a ring ... and we need to plan out the ceremony, seeing as it's going to have to be pretty different to a normal wedding ... and there's all kinds of things to think about. The sooner we can get on with it, the better.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

09/08/04

Well, nothing overly exciting has happened today, but it's been really nice anyway.

In fact, it almost seemed like old times again. Zeno, Wynn and I spent most of the morning teasing each other and laughing, just like we used to. It's so lovely having Wynn back to his normal self, and the three of us being able to enjoy each others' company again. And it seems as though my fears that I was depressing him were totally wrong. Which is good. He's even got back to his old charming self, telling me I was beautiful. Good job Zenobia wasn't around when he said that, or he might have a few less working fingers.

He really is turning into my big brother... to the extent of going out of his way to embarrass me. The three of us had somehow got into a conversation about nicknames, and he'd ended up christening Zeno 'Sweetums' and me 'Love-Muffin', and then went off into the Public Relations Office and put out a city-wide announcement congratulating 'Sweetums' and 'Love-Muffin' on their engagement. We were all in stitches. It was just the nicest morning.

The three of us and Lizzy went on a picnic up to the Bresk estate a little later. Lizzy really does have a crush on Wynn ... she's actually admitted it now. I really hope that he might feel the same way. He talks about her a lot, and I know he really likes her, so ... It'd be lovely if they did get together. I like Lizzy a lot. I'll have to encourage it as much as I possibly can.

I finished my first ever bow today. It looked pretty good, even if I do say so myself. I've given it to Zeno as a present, so I'll have to get working on a new one to sell.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

12/09/04

Well, I came to Arabel in search of my family, and never found it, but I've found a wonderful one of my own. Soon I'll be married, I have a big brother, and now it seems I've found myself a sister too. Lizzy has decided to adopt Zeno and I as her sisters ... she seemed really excited by the idea, and I think it's lovely. She was really surprised when she found out that she's actually older than me. Thinking about it, I suppose I do act a fair bit older than eighteen, but then, when you grow up relying only on yourself, and then you go through a messy break-up, you probably do end up older and wiser than otherwise. Well, older, anyway.

Zeno was a little odd about the idea of Lizzy wanting her to be her older sister. She still feels very guilty about her own sister, and she's worried that anyone who calls themselves her sister might go the same way. She's also worried that Lizzy will hate her when she finds out about what Zenobia used to be like. I doubt very much that she would. I suggested that the next time she sees Lizzy, she takes her off somewhere. sits her down and explains about her past.

Zeno's not a paladin anymore. I really can't believe that she's given it up. I asked her why, and she went round in circles trying to explain for a while, then gave up and just told me that it was because of me. She doesn't feel that she can be a paladin because her first loyalty will always be to me, not to her goddess. I got quite upset to think that she'd done that because of me, but, in a way, I was quite relieved too that she loves me that much. I know that even a goddess isn't more important to Zenobia than I am, and it's wonderful.

Wynn's acting really oddly again. He was miserable when we spoke to him first thing, and he said it was because Lizzy hadn't liked the helmet he had given her. She'd said it was a bit bright, or something. Lizzy herself then came over to us, dripping blood everywhere and almost collapsing from her wounds, and Wynn just walked off. Zenobia took her off to heal her, and I went looking for him. I came across him just outside the east gate, called out to him, and he just blanked me ... walked straight past without even stopping. I really hate it when he does that. I went back to find that Lizzy had gone back to whatever she was doing, and Zenobia was absolutely livid at Wynn for being what she called 'dishonourable' by walking off when Lizzy was in such a bad state. The next thing we knew, an half-orc and a halfling turned up in the market carrying Lizzy's body. Seems she'd fallen in battle. Luckily Sparhawk was around, and we raised her.

I went off to East Way after that to work on my bow, and on the way back, spotted Wynn on the guard tower with a girl named Shanora that I'd met the day before. Well, no point in trying to talk to him when he's with one of his women, so I just carried on back into the city. I mentioned to Zeno that I'd seen him, and she went tearing out there to yell at him. The two of them came back a few minutes later, with Wynn wiping his eyes and telling Zeno not to start with him, and Zenobia shouting that it must be really hard for him to have to put up with having friends that cared so much about him. He walked off again, and I went to see if I could find him. When I did, he was talking to Rohanna, so, again, no point in trying to talk to him. I just left him to it.

Wynn can be so frustrating at times. I do still really love him, but he drives me up the wall sometimes. He can be the bravest man in the world when it comes to physical harm, but any kind of emotional trouble, and he just wants to walk away from it. That's what happened with Anna ... he just walked away when things got hard, and now he's lost her. Try to talk to him about anything difficult, and he'll just walk away, and find refuge in talking to some sweet girl that he's met somewhere who'll think the world of him and look up to him. Maybe that was me at one time. I know him too well now though. I'm surprised he hasn't just walked away completely yet, like he did after Narwen left him. Maybe he will one day, and then I'll get really mad. I don't know why I still feel like it's anything to do with me ... I suppose that it's just that I feel like Wynn’s part of my family, and I don’t want to lose that.

I really miss how things used to be. The other day, when we spent so much time teasing each other, was great because it was like old times. I used to love the days that Wynn, Zeno and I just spent enjoying each other's company and having fun. Maybe that's why I wanted him to get together with Lizzy so much, because she fits right in with the three of us and joins in with it all. And I really like that.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

14/09/04

Hmm ... well, I started getting really mad at Wynn yesterday after the whole Lizzy incident, and even more so when I got a note from Zenobia telling me that she'd heard him insulting her and Anna, so the next time I saw him, I made him come up to the Bresk estate with me and had a really good yell at him. I surprised myself, actually. I've never done that to Wynn before. And he surprised me by actually staying and listening, instead of walking off the moment I started. I yelled at him, he apologised, and we made up, hugged, and are friends again.

I was pretty upset by finding out that he's considering leaving the city. I really don't want him to go, especially now we've had a good few days where things have almost seemed back to normal. He told me that he was going to tell me when he had finally decided one way or another, and that he felt like he had nothing left in Arabel, and that he was just useless. I tried to reassure him that he really wasn't useless, and that there were plenty of things for him in Arabel. I suggested that instead of just leaving the city for good, he took some time to go travelling ... see all the beauty that Faerun has to offer and meet interesting people ... and then come back. The thing is, I really think he's got it wrong. It's not that there's nothing left for him in Arabel at all. It's just that at the moment, he can't see what's there, and isn't really interested in looking. Maybe if he goes away and takes some time to think about things other than his concerns here, he'll start to get his enjoyment of life back, and then when he comes back, he'll realise just how many friends he has, and how much good he does do when he's here. I really, really don't want him to go. He's part of my family now, and I'd miss him like crazy.

We had a good day today. Wynn and I spent a fair amount of time teasing Zenobia, which is always good fun. And then we did our thing of chasing each other round the city and trying to dump each other in the water. Zeno and Wynn went in first, and then Zeno managed to dump me in too. Despite getting soaked, it was so much fun. Wynn had told me the day before that most of the time, he was only pretending to have fun, and was really just being a hypocrite, so maybe he wasn't enjoying himself, but he sure seemed like he was.

He's been spending a lot of time with a girl called Shanora recently, and he told me yesterday during our talk ... or my yell ... that she had feelings for him, and that he didn't feel he could return them because he was still in love with Anna. Now, maybe it's just me, but I saw them meet for the first time about four days ago, and I really don't think you can develop strong feelings for someone in that amount of time. She was joining in with the teasing and playing today, and she seemed nice, but a little possessive, and very keen on starting a ... physical relationship with him. Now, again, that might just be me being odd, seeing as I tend to be a little slow about such things, but it still seems a bit quick ... I hope that things are going to work out ok. I know what Wynn's like around sweet young girls ... very gallant, very polite, very sympathetic, and I'm a little worried that maybe he'll end up in a situation he can't get out of. I know I was encouraging him with Lizzy, but then, Lizzy just has a crush on him, as far as I know, and that's different. Again, none of my business, so I'll try to stay out of it, but ... I don't want things to get even more messed up.

I also have a feeling Shanora maybe doesn't approve of Zeno and I. Zenobia kissed me outside the Pride, which she never done before ... in public, I mean ... and Shanora walked past shaking her head. Maybe it was about something else, but it sure seemed like it was about us. I'm getting quite sick of people butting their noses in. Why is it anyone else's business what we do? The only people whose opinions matter are the people we love, and they all seem happy for us, but still ... I hate thinking that people have such objections to the fact that Zeno and I are together.

Zeno seems to think that Anna actually still loves Wynn too. Maybe we should talk to her and try to persuade her to give him a second chance?

Zeno and I had yet another fight today. About alcohol this time. I mentioned possibly getting some Silvermead in the Pride, and she went mad and stormed off, I found her in our room at the Dragon, and she actually had the nerve to compare me with her father. Her father ... the man she hated most in the whole world ... the one person she's never had the slightest regret in killing. I was so angry ... I just walked out. She found me later and apologised. I know she's a little odd where alcohol is concerned because of him, but I don't exactly drink to excess, and I've grown up around alcohol, living at an inn ... it's perfectly normal. Anyway, I've agreed to give it up completely to make her happy. I'll miss having the odd drink now and again, but then ... Zenobia is more important.

We talked about kids again today. Zeno wanted to know, if we managed to find a way to do it, which of us would actually carry the child... be the pregnant one. I was a little surprised she asked that, actually. I'd always assumed it would be me, if we ever managed it, because she never seemed like the sort of person who would want to, but she wanted to know. I told her it didn't matter which of us it was, but ... I think I'd actually really like to do it. I don't know why, but I would. I'd just feel ... happier. She talked about names too. I told her about wanting to name a daughter after my mother, and she was happy with that. If it's a boy, who knows? And it still may never happen, so there's no point in planning ahead too much. Zenobia reckons that she might have figured out a way using certain spells, but I really don't know. It sounds a little odd. I almost wish she hadn't brought the subject up, to be honest. The more she talks about it, the more I want it to happen ... to have kids ... and it's so unlikely to be possible.

Ah well ... the future holds what it will, and there's no point in trying to plan it out. Tymora will determine what happens to me, and I just have to pray to her that things will turn out right.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

15/09/04

Zenobia did the sweetest thing today. She found me after I'd just got back from East Way and told me she was heading up to our room, and to come up there as well in a few minutes. I did so, and when I got there, there were some flowers outside the door. I assumed she accidently dropped them, so I went in ... to find she'd absolutely covered the whole room in flowers, and was standing in there, waiting for me. It was absolutely beautiful. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. I was completely overwhelmed.

I'm going to try to save the flowers ... dry and press them, maybe. I bet no one else would believe Zeno could be like that. She's so ... abrupt and stubborn and short-tempered with most people ... I feel really lucky and almost honoured that I get to see her sweet, romantic side.

Wynn's having real trouble now. That girl, Shanora, is really getting to him. She won't stop with the innuendo at all - every few minutes it's "Want to help me take a bath, Wynn?," "Want to help me get out of my armour, Wynn?" and so on and so on. The poor guy is just scared, I think. He told me that he's actually considering leaving the city because of her, now. He keeps looking over his shoulder, terrified she's going to run over and jump on him. I mean, Wynn certainly has no problem with beautiful women, but he doesn't just go round sleeping with people at random. He has to love them, and she really doesn't seem to understand that he's not interested. I'm going to try to talk to her the next time I see her and stop her from doing it. He's already considering leaving the city ... I'm not having her drive him away completely. If me talking to her doesn't work, I'll get Zeno to try. If that doesn't work, nothing will.

Wynn called me Sis today. That was really sweet. I really love having this surrogate family around me. Unfortunately, Lizzy has to leave the city for a while, right when we were really getting to know her. It's a real shame, but she'll be back soon enough, hopefully, and she's going to write to me and let me know how she's getting on.

I'm so glad my love-life is settled now. I've put some of the flowers back around the room because they smell so beautiful. I'm so lucky to have Zenobia. I can't wait until we can get the wedding planned properly.
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Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune