City of Arabel

[Silverstar]

04/07/04

Edana wanders into her room at the Tired Traveller with a sheaf of paper under her arm, recently purchased from the scribe. She sits down at her desk and lays a piece of paper out in front of her, smoothing it out, and writing her name at the top. She then scratches her head and chews the pen for a few moments, pondering what to write.

Where do I start? My life has changed so much recently, I feel like a different person. I’m not the lonely, lost girl I was in Waterdeep … my move to Arabel has made everything so much better.

I guess if this is a diary, I don’t need to write much about myself and my past, but I want to. Maybe one day my children, or my children’s children will read this, if I ever get that far, anyway. I’m not necessarily proud of everything I’ve done, but it’s part of me, it’s part of my past, and I guess they should know about it.

So, the beginning. My birth. I was born in Waterdeep, eighteen years ago. My mother was a waitress in one of the inns, not a particularly nice inn, but the innkeeper gave her and me room and board, and I think she kind of liked the place. She liked meeting people, and there’s always new people at an inn. I think that’s where I got my passion for watching people … I’d often sit in the corner, quietly observing people and watching what they did and said, daydreaming and imagining all kinds of life stories for them.

My father … well, I’d write about him if I had anything to write. Who was he? I don’t have a clue. All I know of him is that he was a merchant; not a particularly wealthy one, but he’d travel to Waterdeep from his home in Arabel, and he’d sometimes stay at our inn. He took a liking to my mother and she fell in love with him, but as soon as she discovered I was on the way, and told my father, he wanted nothing more to do with her. He never came back to the inn, and she was left with a few keepsakes, and me, to remind her of him. She never stopped loving him, though. She kept every single thing he ever gave her, and she always believed he’d come back one day. She never even told me his name, though.

Things were good enough until I was about ten. My mother worked hard, and I used to help the innkeeper by running errands and so on. He taught me to read and write so that I could help him more easily. He wasn’t a nice man, but I think he found us useful. Trouble was, my mother got sick one day, and we couldn’t afford healing. The inn had younger, better-looking waitresses by then; ones without children, and the innkeeper wasn’t willing to help us out with money. My mother refused to sell any of the trinkets my father had given her to raise the gold, Maybe there were people who would have helped us for nothing, but I was ten years old, and I didn’t know where to go. The only way I could see to find the money was to steal it. I used to sneak around the markets, picking pockets and snatching things from the stalls, but I never made enough. My mother was too ill, and she died…(The writing is slightly shaky here) The innkeeper didn’t want a motherless child hanging around the place, so I was straight out on the streets.

I started stealing again … well, what else could I do? I was spotted one day, luckily enough not by a guard, but instead by another thief who was using the same area. He grabbed me and hauled me back to the hideout of his gang, where the gangleader warned me not to stray into their patch. I think I must have looked terrified, and he must have seen that he could use me, because I ended up working for them. He started sending me out to carry on doing what I was doing, prowling round the docks and the markets, but once he discovered I could read and write, and had made me wash the grime off my face, he found another use for me. He decided to turn me into one of his ‘special girls’ … I know how that must sound, but it’s not what people would think. I guess I had an innocent face, and looked shy and sweet when I wanted to. He cleaned me up, gave me some good clothes, taught me to speak properly with no trace of my old rough accent. And then he sent me out into the richest areas of the city to steal. No one would suspect a sweet little girl in a pretty dress, and with an innocent face, of being the thief who was stealing gold necklaces and fat purses full of coins. Even if the guards spotted me, in general, their eyes would tell them that I could have nothing to do with it. It worked like a charm. Me and the other girls he sent out would bring back baskets of expensive jewellery, coins and other bits and pieces.

So that’s what I did, for most of my growing up. Stealing. I hated it, but I used to justify it to myself by telling myself that at least I was only stealing from those who could afford it. And if I didn’t, I couldn’t eat. Where’s the choice there? I didn’t make many friends … you don’t really make friends with thieves like that. Nobody trusted anyone else, because they could sell you out in an instant if they knew too much about you. It was a lonely life … surrounded by people, but not having anyone who loved me or cared for me, except that I was useful to them. I missed my mother … I still do.

It all ended the day I was sent out to do a different kind of job. Normally, I’d just stick to the pickpocketing, but this particular night, I was sent out to stand watch for a group of burglars as they broke into a large merchant house. The girl whose task it usually was had fallen and injured her leg the day before. Trouble was, I started watching people, and daydreaming as I usually did, and didn’t spot the guards until they were almost on me. I ran, but they’d seen my face, and I didn’t have chance to call out to the guys inside the building. What could I do then? The guards knew who I was, and would be after me. The gang knew it was my fault that the burglars had been caught, and would also be after me. I knew I had to get away. So where should I go? The only place I could think of, the place where I believed I had family … Arabel.

I sold my good clothes, and a few trinkets I’d managed to lift earlier that day, and got passage on a caravan on its way to Arabel. I vowed that I wouldn’t steal any more … that that part of my life was over. All the way here, I daydreamed of walking through the gates and bumping into my father, who would recognise me immediately and take me home, and I’d have a family again. Stupid of me. When I arrived, I knew no one and had nothing, and how could I even look for him? I don’t know his name, I don’t know what he looked like, I don’t even know that he’d told my mother the truth. Maybe he’s not even here. Maybe he’s dead. I searched everywhere for him in the hope that I might find him, doing some odd jobs in order to feed and clothe myself. But … nothing.

It doesn’t matter though. I wanted a family … I wanted someone who I could love, and who would love me, and I’ve found that. It’s not my father … it’s someone far better. Wynn.

I liked Wynn right from the moment I met him, sitting on a bench in the marketplace. I spotted his red hair and his serious face, and thought how handsome he was. I was shocked when he said hello to me, and I think I must have seemed very shy. I soon found out he was with Narwen, though, and so I put any romantic thoughts out of my mind, and we became friends instead. We used to sit and chat whenever we met, and I realised just how difficult his life was. After a while, I found that he’d gone away … and I heard that he and Narwen had split up. I didn’t really think anything of it though; except to think that he’d be devastated, and that I hoped he’d come back so that I could talk to him again.

He did come back. He found me reading in the market one day, and we sat down and chatted about all kinds of things. I felt so bad for him, after everything that had happened to him, but I discovered that I could cheer him up. He looked so wonderful when he smiled … I think that was when I really began to fall in love with him. And I believed that maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way.

We’ve had problems, a lot of problems, just in being together. We’ve come through them though. Wynn can get so depressed and angry about things, so I’ve made it my task in life to cheer him up and make him happy. I hope I can. I’ve never been so happy in my life before … I feel loved and special, and it feels as if nothing can possibly go wrong when I’m with him.

I don’t know how things will work out between us. I don’t know if he ever looks at me and wishes it was Narwen that was with him instead. I don’t know whether he would ever want to make a vow to me the way he did to Narwen, because I know how much that has cost him. Maybe, maybe not. I worry sometimes about whether he would ever do what my father did, but I don’t really think I believe he would. There’s always the slight nagging possibility at the back of my mind, but I guess my father was just a weak man, and Wynn is anything but that. At the moment, all I want is to be with him, and the future can throw what it wants at me. I believe Tymora is watching over me, though, and perhaps things will work out. I’ll have to wait and see.

She looks at everything she has written, and realises that she has used up almost all her paper. Grinning to herself, she packs away the diary into the bottom of her pack and climbs into bed, drifting off to sleep with a smile on her face.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

05/07/04

Edana walks into her room with a beaming smile on her face. She unsuccessfully tries to stop smiling as she sits down at her desk and takes out her diary.

I think today has been the happiest day of my life. I haven’t been able to stop smiling all day, and I still can’t.

I met Wynn in the market earlier, and he seemed down and depressed again. He hasn’t been talking to his friend Anna for days, and now it seems that he has become angry with his friend Val too. He’s been in another fight and ended up in jail again. I think something else was bothering him as well, but he wouldn’t say what it was, only that he was under orders not to speak of it. Under orders? From who? There’s no point in me trying to persuade him to tell me … he’d only get even more guilty if he did.

Anyway, I sat with him and listened for a while, trying to make him feel better, but then I decided that the best thing to do would be to get him away from the city for a bit. He always seems so much happier when the two of us go out of the gates and go for a walk or a picnic or something. He suggested we went to the Red Glade, as he’s wanted to show it to me for a while, and we’ve never had the chance to go.

We got there, and it was unbelievably pretty. I’m so glad he took me … I’d never have found it on my own. We stood there for a while, watching the sun come up, and I was so happy.

That’s when he said it. He didn’t exactly propose … not in so many words. He told me that he was serious about me, about our relationship, and that one day, he could see us getting married. I was so shocked. I honestly never thought he would want to marry again, not after Narwen, and I told him that. He told me he just didn’t want to rush things the way he and Narwen had, that he loved me, and he wanted us to be a family.

A family. A real family. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that one day, not too far away, Wynn and I will get married and I’ll have someone to be with for the rest of my life. I swear, this is going to work out. If Wynn and I marry, it’ll be forever … I couldn’t bear to lose him.

We walked back to the city and I ended up aiding one of Lady Luck’s priestesses with the crypts again. Terrible place … I can hardly bear to go down there, but it’s for my goddess, so I don’t really have a choice. I found Wynn in the market again, and he told me he’d bought me a present … the most beautiful white linen dress I’ve ever seen. My wedding dress. I made a joke of it, telling him that surely he should be doing the fighting and I should be doing the shopping, but … it’s so beautiful. I tried it on a little later at the inn, and it fits perfectly. I wonder if I could get an enchantment put on it before I wear it … a light spell like the one on my purple dress? Maybe by then, I’ll have learned how to do it myself, but I wouldn’t want to ruin the dress. I’d rather leave it to a professional.

I should get something for Wynn. Maybe I could order him a tunic to wear, in Lady Firehair’s colour? Red, I guess. Trouble is, he already has a fine one like that. Maybe something else then. I’ll have to check my savings and have a think. I'm not actually sure whether we're officially engaged or not ... maybe I should get him a ring or something? I don't know if I should tell people or keep it to myself for now. I guess I need to talk to Wynn.

Still, I’m so happy. Nothing can ruin things now. Nothing at all.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

06/07/04

Bad day today. I’m so stupid. Why do I do such silly things?

I wanted to save up to buy Wynn something special … something to show him how much I love him. I had about a thousand lyons already, but I wanted to get something really special, so I figured I could do with some more. So I accepted a few jobs. I was working with a group for the Purple Dragons … a warehouse investigation … and it went really well. No one was badly hurt, and we were well rewarded at the end. As we’d worked together so well, we figured that maybe we should stick together and try to find more work, and Lord Fezznick asked us to help him out with something.

Seemed like a good idea at the time. Both gold, and the attention and gratitude of a noble. What else could you need? So we went. I acted as scout … guess that’ll be my job until I start classes, and I’m not too bad at it really. I guess all that time spent sneaking around in Waterdeep pays off. We made it through most of the trouble, rescued the … ummm … prize … and were on our way back.

Then the ambush happened. We spotted it in advance, but I guess we were all tired and worn out by then. We waded in … well, I hung back with my bow … and it seemed to be going well, until I guess I aimed at the wrong person. He spotted me and gave chase. I ran as fast as I could, but he was faster, and the last thing I remember is his sword swinging down at me and smashing into my back.

I woke up in the Lady’s House, naked. I guess I’d been lucky enough to be with a group who cared enough to bring me back to the temple and pay for me to be brought back. They used my savings mostly … but I’m pretty sure that a lady named Kurenai put money in too. I’m so grateful to her. They had rescued all my things … but even so… All my savings are gone, and all I could think about was how close I’d come to losing Wynn. I couldn’t bear it if I lost him. Dying … it’s happened before … but this time was worse. This time I had something to lose.

I found him in the market, and just needed to feel his arms around me. He held me and took me to the inn to talk, and I explained what had happened. He cried when I told him … thank you, Tymora, for letting me find someone who cares about me so much. We talked, and I told him I couldn’t do this anymore … not the fighting … I was too afraid. He told me that he was so proud of me for facing down my fears and getting on with things … he made me determined to deal with them and carry on. I told him how stupid I felt .. how I should never have offered to help … how I should have just got out of the way instead of aiming for someone who could reach me, but … he talked to me, and held me, and made me feel so much better.

We went to one of the rooms in the inn to rest for a while, and I fell asleep so quickly. When I woke up, he was there watching me. Knowing that he’d been there all night, keeping me safe, was the most wonderful feeling.

Thank you, Lady, for giving Wynn to me. I .. I don’t know what I’d do without him.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

07/07/04

Wynn and I had the most wonderful talk today. We were sitting in the Pride and he kept staring off into space with this strange smile on his face. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he said he was just imagining what our children would look like.

He’s thinking about he and I having children already! I was slightly surprised at first, but I think it’s the most lovely idea. I can just see what my son would be like … red hair, serious face, running around with a wooden sword defending the honour of little girls. She smiles happily to herself. I told Wynn, and he said that any daughter we had would have him wrapped around her little finger. I guess she probably would, as well. She’d have a daddy who would do anything for her. She’d be so lucky.

I asked Wynn whether he could promise me that he’d always be there, if we had children. I couldn’t help thinking about my own father, or lack of one, and that’s the last thing I want for my own children. He promised me that he would, that he’d always be there for us and love us. I believe him.

We got to talking about our own childhoods. He told me a little of his parents … well, what little there was to tell … and how the only real father figure he’d had was the man who trained him as a paladin. I told him that he would be a wonderful father, and our children would be lucky to have him. I told him a little about my mother, and how much I missed her, and he asked me how I felt, if we had a daughter one day, naming her after my mother. I’d love that so much. She’ll never get to see her grandchildren, but this feels right. Grace. Grace SeLangstra. It sounds good. I think she’d approve.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

09/07/04

I keep upsetting Wynn.

I don’t mean to, and I don’t want to, but I just keep opening my mouth and putting my foot in it. Either by asking him things about his past that drags up bad memories, or by making jokes and silly comments without thinking them through. He never actually seems to get upset or angry with me; he just gets quiet, and I can see in his eyes just how much he is worrying and how bad he feels. I hate it. I try to comfort him, and let him know that everything is going to be alright, but I’m not sure he really believes me, even though he says he does.

It’s this whole curse thing. I’m pretty sure he’s convinced that one day something terrible is going to happen to me, and it’ll be all his fault because he loves me. I can’t get him to understand that nothing is going to happen, and even if it does, it won’t be his fault. He probably blames himself for me getting killed on the trip the other day … even though it was my fault, and he wasn’t even there.

I think his real curse is simply that his grandmother has twisted his thoughts so much that he can’t let himself love and enjoy that love, because he fears too much what will happen if he does. I’m terrified that one day he’ll decide that the only way to keep me safe is for us not to be together. I couldn’t cope with that. I can’t think of a way to make him realise that we’re going to be fine, and to stop him worrying.

On a slightly happier note, he’s found an outfit that he wants to buy to wear to our wedding. Trouble is, it’s really expensive … over 6000 lyons. I don’t know how we’re going to manage to save up for it, but I’m determined he’s going to have it. I’ll just have to make sure I work as hard as I can so that we can scrape the gold together. He’s always buying me presents and doing things for me, and all I’ve ever really given him is a scrap of paper with some writing on it. And lots of kisses. And a whole bucketload of worries.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

14/07/04

I … well … I died again. Last night. It was so stupid … I’d gone along to help out the alchemist who works in South Arabel, and we were ambushed on our way back. Bugbears this time. I didn’t stand a chance .. not when they got that close.

I didn’t know whether or not to tell Wynn. I wanted him to comfort me, to hug me and tell me it was ok, but at the same time, I knew what he’d be like if I did. Guilty, upset, angry.

I did in the end. Maybe I shouldn’t have done, but I guess I was being selfish, and just needed him to know. Plus, he’d have been upset if I hadn’t told him and he’d found out some other way. I was right. He got upset, blamed himself and his curse. He cried, telling me that he brought me too much pain. I tried to make him understand that it was nothing to do with him … that it would have happened no matter whether he and I loved each other or not.

We talked for a long time. I just wanted to talk it all out … get him to tell me exactly what was worrying him, and tell him how I felt in return. I told him that I was worried that one day he’d decide that leaving me was the only way to keep me safe … which he flatly denied, telling me he could never do that. It’s put my mind at rest a little. I don’t know whether all the things I told him made any difference to the way he feels. I swear, if I ever get my hands on that grandmother of his ….

I hope that maybe he will have listened and believed me. I love him so much, and I hate seeing him so tortured all the time. I want us to have a good life, a happy life, he and I and, one day, our children.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

16/07/04

Well, today can only really be described as ... odd.

Started with me meeting Zenobia near Illiandrin's tower. She stopped me and asked for my advice with a slightly delicate problem ... basically, Del'mier's fiancee Ciara had found out about Zeno's preferences, and started making advances on her. This is a woman who not only has got engaged within a week of knowing Del'mier, but is also apparantly pregnant with his child. Zeno didn't know what to do, so I found Wynn, and the three of us decided the best thing would be to tell Del'mier and let him decide what to do himself, which we did. It seemed to go ok ... I have a feeling he wasn't all that bothered, in a way.

Wynn and I decided we needed some time to ourselves, so we headed off to the baths at the Pride. We had a lovely time, and a long talk. It's so strange ... we have our entire future planned out, even down to the names of our children, and we're not even engaged yet. Wynn wants to call our son Lambrae, if we have one, after his master, and a daughter will be Grace, after my mother. Lambrae and Grace SeLangstra. It sounds wonderful.

Afterwards, we were standing in the market and Melissa came up to ask if I wanted to help out on a job for the carpenter. Wynn couldn't go, so he gave me some potions to help keep me safe. Zeno was coming too, as well as a man I didn't know. Zeno and Melissa don't really get on, and they started an argument in the middle of the cavern system, over Zenobia rushing in without letting me scout ahead and do my job. Zeno got angry and shouted at Melissa and me, then stormed off back towards the city. I wanted to follow her, but Melissa persuaded me that Zeno could look after herself, and we were needed to help the poor people who were at the logging camp.

We headed back into the cave, and I went on ahead to see what was happening. I spotted a trap, and was fiddling with it when I heard Zenobia storm back in behind me, and she and Melissa began arguing again. I don't know what happened ... whether I lost my concentration because I was listening to them, or whether the goblins heard them, or what, but suddenly I was overwhelmed by goblins, and I fell, again.

I woke up in the Lady's House to find Wynn, Zenobia and Melissa all there. Wynn was sobbing, and Zenobia was shouting and blaming herself for my death. Melissa was trying to calm her and make her see that it wasn't her fault. I don't really know what was going on, but suddenly Zenobia stormed out of the temple, and came back a minute later, naked and carrying her sword, demanding that Wynn kill her as punishment for letting me die. He, of course, told her he was not going to do any such thing, as did I, so she began threatening to attack us to make us kill her. When that didn't work, she started trying to turn the sword on herself. Melissa and Wynn talked to her, trying to calm her down. I was still too shaken up to do much except beg her not to do it.

Somehow they managed to talk her out of it, and she turned to me, saying her punishment was my choice. I told her that I just wanted her to be my friend, and be there for me. Before I could stop her, she'd slashed her arm and sworn a Blood Oath to protect me and die for me as punishment for her failure.

So now, I have a personal bodyguard. An extremely rude, embarrassing bodyguard. The four of us went to the Traveller for a drink afterwards, and she spent ages teasing Melissa ... telling her exactly what she'd like to do to her and how good she'd look minus her dress. Melissa was highly embarrassed, and so were Wynn and I. Wynn had to go and rest, so Melissa, Zeno and I went outside,and Melissa and I got our own back slightly by buying her a dress and forcing her to wear it.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a little like being a mother to an extremely naughty child. Good practise, I guess, but ... oh gods ... help.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

18/07/04

Hmph. Well, so much for Zenobia being my bodyguard. She, Wynn and I got into a bit of a play-fight earlier, throwing snow at each other, pushing each other into the stream surrounding the Temple, chasing each other around the streets and so on. Me, of course, being smaller and weaker than either of them, ended up getting the brunt of it. Ended with Zenobia picking me up over her shoulder and then throwing me at Wynn, who somehow managed to miss me completely so I ended up sprawled all over the ground. No harm done, except a few bruises and a sore elbow, but I'm sure throwing the person they're supposed to protect around isn't part of the job description of a bodyguard. Edana grins to herself

Never mind. She got a bit upset because her arm started to bleed where she'd sworn the Oath. I told her that it didn't matter and that so long as I was still in one piece, she didn't need to worry.

Zeno and I had been talking earlier. She's applied for a position working for Lord Fezznick now that she has completed her penance, and she was asking me whether I'd ever considered getting a job like that. I told her that I was starting school soon, so that would probably take up a lot of my time. She started joking about me becoming War Wizard Lyonson one day ... I told her I hoped it would be SeLangstra by then, and she told me that if Wynn didn't propose soon, it might end up being War Wizard Metaxas. Help!

I told her I really had no intention of applying for any kind of job like that, and that I was happy as I was. She asked if I just wanted to be a wife and mother instead, and I said that I did. She got a bit quiet then, and said that she'd never get to be that. To be honest, I wouldn't have thought of Zeno as the maternal type, but she told me that she'd love to have children one day; it just wasn't going to happen. It's a shame ... I think she really feels bad that she can't. I told her that she'd just have to be an aunt to my children one day, and spend her time getting them into trouble. So long as she doesn't teach them too many bad habits, I think it'll be great having her around for them. She'll make a great aunt.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

19/07/04

The writing is very shaky, as though the writer was finding it hard to concentrate properly, and there are watermarks scattered through the page.

I don't ... know .. what to do... He's gone ... I've lost him ...

I was in the market with Zenobia today, and I mentioned to her that I hadn't seen Wynn for a while. A lady heard me, and came over to say that he had gone to investigate a Banite temple with some others, and the guards knew where he was. I rushed to the jail immediately, fearing the worst. The guard I spoke to .. he .. he just told me Wynn was dead. Flat out told me, like he was telling me Wynn had a cold or something. The other guards came over too ... started telling me not to cry ... not to care ..

I .. couldn't .. Zenobia shouted at them, we pleaded with them, but they wouldn't help us. The Banites have his body ... they're going to burn it ... I .. I .. I'm going to lose him ... I can't get him back...

People offered to help me fetch him, but the guards won't .. the Dragons won't ... I can't do it by myself ...

He can't be gone ... Tymora ... how could you do this to me? To us? After everything we've been through ... after everything that's happened .. just as things were going so well ... We were going to get married ... We were going to have children ... we were ... we were ..

Please, Lady, bring him back to me ... I don't care how ... just bring him back ... I'll do anything ... I'll give up anything ... just bring him back ...
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

20/07/04

He's back! Wynn's back! I don't really know how or anything, but who cares? He's back ... that's all that matters. Everything is going to be alright again now. We haven't had much chance to spend any time together yet, as he was exhausted, but I'm so happy. Thank you, Tymora ... thank you, thank you, thank you.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

21/07/04

I got to spend some time with Wynn today ... not as much on my own as I'd have liked, but at least I was with him.

He showed me the note that was left on his body when it was dumped. It chilled me when I read it. I'm so scared they might come after him again. There was something else bothering him as well, but he wouldn't tell me what it was. He said he didn't know what it was, but that he'd tell me when he'd figured it out. I'm not sure how true it is that he doesn't know what it is ... I really hope it doesn't turn out to be something awful ... something about us. He seems eager to talk to Anna about something privately. I wonder if that's got anything to do with it?

Zenobia has got right back into teasing mode. She keeps going on at Wynn about when he's going to propose. It was funny the first few times but now, I really wish she'd stop. I know she's only looking out for me, but it's beginning to make me slightly paranoid. Wynn and I agreed to wait until we were both ready before getting engaged, and I'm perfectly happy with waiting. It's a totally sensible thing to do. It's just, Zenobia has got me wondering why it is that he's still not ready. We've talked about it as if it was a certainty, we've discussed children, and decided on names, we've got a whole future planned out, I've got my dress, and we've been saving up for his tunic. So what is it that's stopping him making it official? Maybe he's just waiting for the right time. Maybe he's planning something special. I don't want to think about the alternative.

Zeno got upset again today. She'd been teasing us mercilessly while the three of us were at the tailors, and ended up picking me up and carrying me around again. I joked that she wasn't to drop me this time, and she suddenly got really upset about it. Wynn tried to help me sort her out, but in the end, he went to get some sleep, and I sat with her. She kept apologising for kissing me the other day, saying she'd betrayed me and Wynn. I was shocked when she did it, but I'd barely even thought about it since; I'd been so preoccupied with Wynn. I tried to set her mind at rest that it had been an accident and wasn't ever going to happen again, and that I didn't want it to ruin our friendship. I haven't told Wynn about it. I'm not sure I should. Maybe he'd think the same way I do about it; that it was a mistake and nothing to worry about. Then again, he might go mad. I don't know. And I don't want to do anything that might upset him any more than he already seems to be.

Melissa and Zenobia seem to be having problems, but I haven't really spoken to either of them enough to know what's going on. They'll tell me if they want me to know, I'm sure.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

22/07/04

I've got so many things spinning around my head today that I feel dizzy. Worries and problems and confusing things, and there's no one for me to talk to about them.

Wynn, Zenobia and I were in the Traveller earlier, and she started asking him again when he was planning to propose. I tried to change the subject by asking if anyone wanted drinks and going up to the bar, but I just heard Wynn give a deep sigh and tell Zenobia to drop it. She thought he was mad at her, and by the time I sat down again, she'd gone.

I talked to him a little about it, and he suggested I tell her about Narwen to make her understand why we were waiting. I confessed to him that I didn't really know all that much about Narwen, so he told me a little about why they'd split up. About how she could never trust him and the fact that she would never talk to him about what was bothering her.

I asked him if he'd figured out what was bothering him yet. He just laid his head on his arms and told me he hadn't. I asked him if it had anything to do with me and Zenobia and he said that he'd been worrying about whether I'd rather be with her than with him. I couldn't believe he'd think that. I tried to explain exactly why I had said what I did to her when I was drunk, that I'd thought I'd lost everything and just wanted someone to tell me that they cared about me and I wasn't on my own, and I think he understood, but I'm not totally sure. He still wouldn't tell me about anything else though.

I don't know ... it's just starting to get to me that he won't talk to me anymore. We always used to talk. About everything. But ever since he came back, he's been totally different. He won't talk to me about things, he barely smiles or laughs with me, he hardly seems to want to touch me. I don't understand why. If it was simply that he'd been through a lot recently, I could understand, but he seems pretty much ok with everyone else. It's just me that he seems to have problems with. And both of us have died before, and we'd dealt with it without getting like this. We ended up a little later going off to help rescue two bodies from a house, and once the two were safely raised, he left practically without a word. Just a quick "see you later". We always used to spend ages saying goodbye to each other ... what's changed? I haven't seen him since.

I suppose it was a silly thing to do, but I wanted some advice about what to do, so I asked Zenobia. She's my best friend, but she's not exactly the best person to talk to about this kind of thing. She'd already noticed that Wynn was acting weirdly anyway, so I guess that's why I told her. I told her about how he wouldn't talk to me, about all the things that were worrying me. I told her about how left out I'd felt when Wynn got out of jail and he and Anna were hugging, but he didn't come over to hug me. I was feeling kind of ... suffocated in the jail ... I kept remembering being there when the guards had told me about Wynn's death, and how horrible they'd been to me, but I'm not sure he even noticed. I told her about how he seemed so eager to talk to Anna about something, even though he wouldn't talk to me. I told her about how all the comments about his lack of proposal was starting to make me paranoid about it.

I told her too much, really. I needed someone to talk to, to reassure me that I wasn't just imagining it all, but Zenobia ... well, she just got angry. At Wynn, at the way he was acting, at the way she said he was treating me. She became convinced that the reason he was acting the way he was is because he and Anna are having some kind of affair behind my back. I told her he wouldn't do that to me, that he'd promised he'd always be there for me and love me, but she just dismissed it, saying he was a human, so he could lie. She started threatening to go after him and break his fingers until he told her what was going on. I tried to make her see that that would just make things worse, and that I was sure things would work out between me and him eventually, but everything I said just got her madder and madder. She eventually stormed off, telling me she was going to find him and beat it out of him, seeing as I was too useless to do it myself.

I tried to follow her, but I lost her, and eventually just sat down on a bench to try to think things through. She found me and I asked her if she'd come to apologise for being horrible. She told me the only thing she was sorry about was that I was too blind to see what was going on right in front of my eyes. I told her that she was making the whole thing up, that she had no evidence that anything was going on between Wynn and Anna, and why was she trying to ruin my life? She just stomped off again, telling me that if I wanted to be stupid, then she'd just leave me to it and she hoped that I got everything I deserved.

I stayed where I was and a man sat down and started chatting to me. I chatted too, to be polite, but my mind was on everything that had happened. I then heard Zenobia standing behind me, ordering me to come with her. I wanted to refuse to go, but I hate all this arguing and troubles, and I hoped she wanted to sort it out, so I went with her.

She showed me her arm, where she'd sworn the oath, and it was bleeding. She said that she was sorry about saying what she had, but that she just couldn't allow me to get hurt ... the oath wouldn't let her, and that she had to go after Wynn and beat him until he told me for both mine and her own good. I said to her that surely though, if I was right and there was nothing going on between them, then she was the one hurting me, and how could the oath let her do that? Stupid of me. The moment I said it, she realised that I was right, and her arm started pumping blood all over the place. I tried to stop it, but she went pale and sank to the ground. She told me that no matter what she did, I was going to get hurt, and the oath wouldn't let that happen, so she was going to die. She was getting weaker and weaker through loss of blood, and I tried to talk to her, to make her understand that no matter what she did, I knew that it was to protect me, and so it didn't hurt me. She wouldn't believe me, and I eventually had to just make her listen to me,, tell her that she didn't hurt me, that she was my friend, and that I loved her.

When I told her that, the bleeding seemed to stop. She seemed overwhelmed that I'd told her I loved her. I told her that she was my best friend, so of course I did. After a while, I helped her up and we went to the Dragon so that she could sit down somewhere quiet and I could get her a drink. She asked me what I'd meant when I said I loved her, whether I meant it as a friend or what. I told her that of course I meant it as a friend, that she was my best friend, but Wynn was the one I loved, and that I couldn't change that. She seemed to accept it ... but ... she'd been trying to tell me something whilst the life was draining out of her, but I wouldn't let her. Thinking back on it now, I have a horrible feeling that she was trying to tell me that she was in love with me. Hells, what am I going to do about that? She eventually began joking with me again, teasing me as usual, but moreso than normal. She made me quite embarrassed really. I eventually told her I'd see her later and went to get some rest, so that I could think over everything that had happened.

What am I going to do? I'm terrified that I'm losing Wynn. I don't for one moment believe that he's having an affair with Anna, but there's definitely something funny going on. He's not his usual self by a long means. And I hate it. I want the old Wynn back. The one that loves me and wants to be with me. Not this man who barely seems to want to pass the time of day with me. If I could help him, I would, whatever it is, but he just won't let me. I don't know what to do.

And Zenobia? What am I going to do about that? If I'm right, and she was going to say what I thought she was going to say, how do I cope with that? I don't want to be with her, not in that way. I want Wynn. I only want Wynn. But how can I make her understand that nothing is ever going to happen between us?

Oh, and I died again today. Normally that would be the most horrible thing I could imagine, but I've barely thought about it. I'm not going to tell Wynn this time. Either he'd be devastated and cry as he usually does, which would make things even harder, or he wouldn't, which to be honest, would be worse...

I'm so tired. My head is buzzing with it all and I can't stop thinking about it. Why can't things go back to how they were? Why can't I have my Wynn back, and go back to Zenobia just being my friend? Why did this all have to happen when I was so happy and everything was going so well? Tymora ... what are you doing to me?
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

23/07/04

I woke up this morning determined that I was going to get everything sorted out ... get everything back to normal again, as much as I could, anyway.

I left the inn to find Wynn and Zenobia in the market. Zenobia came over to me, grinning, but I just wanted to talk to Wynn on my own, so I asked him if we could go somewhere, just the two of us, to talk. Zenobia wouldn't stop butting in, wanting to talk to him herself. I kept telling her to stop, to just leave us in peace, but she wouldn't, and eventually Wynn just walked away.

I was so mad at her again. How was I ever supposed to get things sorted out if she wouldn't let me get on with it? I ran after him, but I'd lost him by then. He wasn't anywhere that I could think of to look. I went to make an announcement asking him to meet me by the pond if he could possibly bring himself to talk to me, desperately hoping that when I got there, he'd be there and not Zenobia.

He was. He sat down with me and apologised for walking off, but said that Zenobia was making him mad by making threats and demanding things of him. I apologised for her, telling him that I'd tried to stop her. I asked him quietly what had changed between us, why he was suddenly finding it hard to be with me and talk to me. For a moment, I thought he was going to deny any knowledge of what he'd been doing, but then he told me he knew things were different.

He said he had a lot on his mind, and that me saying that I couldn't bear it if the Banites came after him again when he knew that there was a big possibility that they would was one thing. I tried to make him understand that I didn't mean that I couldn't bear to be with him because of it, and that losing him in the way that I was already hurt just as much.

We talked a little about Zenobia and how she'd been pushing him around. I explained that she seemed to think she had to in order to protect me, and he couldn't understand why she seemed so sure that he was trying to hurt me. I couldn't tell him that she thought he was having an affair with Anna. That would have just pushed him over the edge. So I just said that I'd been talking to her about how I was feeling, and she'd got mad.

I don't know ... he still didn't really say what was wrong, but he did reassure me that it wasn't that he didn't want me anymore, and he told me that he would never try to hurt me. I believe him. Whatever it is that's upsetting him, at least it's not that. I tried to tell him that whatever it was that was wrong, we should try to deal with it together and not push each other away, and he said he hadn't meant to push me away.

He was more affectionate than he has been the past few days. He laid with his head on my lap, and we did kiss, which we barely have since he got back. Just that made me feel better, more like I used to.

We eventually decided to go and talk to Zenobia, to make her realise that we were sorting things out, so she could stop bullying him. Big mistake. As soon as we explained that things were beginning to get better, she started with her guilt complex again. Telling us that she'd hurt us and it was all her fault. She went running off into the sewers, but came up again when Wynn called to her. She went and sat down with her face to the wall, telling us that she'd messed up again and had hurt us again. We tried to reassure her that she hadn't but she wouldn't believe either of us. Wynn went to sit down in the market to give me a little space to talk to her, but nothing I said made any difference. She began implying that the only reason I'd saved her life yesterday was to spare her so that she could suffer a worse fate. I couldn't believe she thought I was that cruel. She made me so angry that I just couldn't talk to her any more, and walked off to be by myself for a while. Wynn came back, picked Zeno up and took her off somewhere else to talk to her.

I wandered around for a while, thinking, and then came on the two of them sitting by the Traveller. I refused to look at her, and went to sit by myself a little way away, putting my hands over my ears so that I didn't have to listen to her. After a while, I moved my hands and heard Wynn calling me, asking me to come over. I did, because he'd asked me and not her. It turned out that her scar was bleeding again, and she was in a bad way. The two of us say with her, trying everything we could to stop it. She kept talking about her secret, and how she couldn't tell us about it. Eventually, the two of us hit on a solution at exactly the same time. We told her that by dying, she was hurting me, and therefore she couldn't. Her scar healed itself almost immediately, and she got up and walked slowly to the inn.

I talked to Wynn for a few moments about trying to get rid of her Oath, and he agreed I should try. He needed to get some sleep, and hugged me, kissed me on the forehead and told me he loved me before he left. Just him doing that made my heart leap .. things seem to be getting better.

I went to find Zenobia to check she was ok. She was sitting in one of the back rooms, so I went in to talk to her, to try to persuade her that we needed to get rid of this Oath before it killed her. She refused to let me do anything, saying that it was too dangerous. I told her that I didn't care how dangerous it was, I just wanted rid of it. She kept saying that she wouldn't let me risk my life for her, and I kept telling her that I didn't care, that I was going to.

All of a sudden, she asked me if I would really do that for her. I said that I would, and she started thanking me. And ... and then she leaned over and kissed me. Passionately.

I was so shocked. She'd promised me that last time had been a mistake and that she had just done it to try to comfort me. I pulled away and moved as far away from her as I could, shouting at her. I couldn't believe that she'd done it again. She told me that she hadn't meant to, but that she loved me, and she couldn't help it.

I realised that everything I'd been through with her yesterday had been been a lie. That she hadn't been trying to help me and Wynn at all, she'd been trying to split us up. All that talk of him having an affair with Anna had been to try to make me hate him. And going after him and bullying him had been to try to make him not want me.

She came over to me, and I told her not to touch me. She started to get upset, but I just couldn't go near her to comfort her. I didn't want her near me. She began talking about Wynn, threatening to tell him what she'd done, and I said that she'd better not dare do that. She asked me how I was planning to stop her. It all got too much, and I burst into tears. She put her arms round me and I tried to move away, but I was in such a state. I told her that she had to forget about this, and that I didn't think we could go on being friends. She asked me why we had to forget about it, why we had to go back. I couldn't believe that she didn't understand. I said that I was with Wynn, and that was that. She kept talking about it, saying that she loved me and she wanted to be with me and why didn't I just give her a chance?

How do you make someone understand that you don't love them and you won't ever love them the way they want you to? I tried and tried to make her understand; that I love Wynn and only Wynn, and that even if I didn't, I couldn't ever feel that way about her. She just wouldn't understand. I can't even remember what I said to her eventually, but after a while, we got to the stage of her asking me if we could at least be friends. I told her we could, but I don't know whether we really can.

How can I really have Zenobia around all the time now that I know that? I've always known how she feels about women, but until yesterday, I never thought she felt that way about me, and even then, I only suspected the possibility, and assumed she'd never tell me. Now, every time I look at her, I know what she's thinking about me. I know what she's hoping I'll say to her. Every time she cracks a joke about me, I don't know whether she really means what she's saying. It's made things so awkward. But if I don't spend time with her and make her think everything is ok, and if I let her see how hard she's made everything, then that scar of hers will start to bleed again, and I'll end up causing her death. What in the hells do I do?

And what if Wynn finds out? He's already been worried that there was something going on between Zenobia and me. If he finds out what happened and what she's told me, he'll go mad.

And Zenobia ... she spent all day yesterday trying to ruin my relationship with him. Who says she's going to stop? And how can I make sure she does? If she ruins everything for me now, I don't know what I'll do to her...

Just as I feel like Wynn and I might possibly be getting things back to normal, Zenobia has to go and make things hard again. Why? Why can't things ever just go right?
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

25/07/04

How did I manage to end up with a best friend who seems to do nothing but cause trouble?

I saw Wynn briefly yesterday as I was passing through the centre of the city. He was talking with a couple of guards, and although I couldn't really hear what they were saying, I could tell that he wasn't happy. He pointed to me, and the guards began turning to look at me and nudging each other and Wynn, and I heard them saying something about 'domestic abuse'. I couldn't figure out what they were talking about; surely that meant it had something to do with me, but I'd not done anything to Wynn. Not as far as I was aware, anyway.

After the guards had gone, I asked him what they had been talking about. He seemed reluctant to tell me again, so I asked him if we could meet later and go for a walk and talk about it. He agreed, providing we didn't go out by the pond. I said that was ok, somewhat confused, as I thought he always loved sitting out there.

Today, well ... I walked into the market and found him and Zenobia there. They said they wanted to talk to me about something, and suggested we go to the Traveller. When we got there, Zenobia asked me if I was still willing to remove her Blood Oath, to which I replied I was. I didn't understand why she'd suddenly had a change of heart, but I just wanted it over with, so I didn't ask her. Zenobia told me that I would need to swear a counter oath to nullify the first one, and knowing that this would involve having to cut myself, I suggested that we go somewhere else to do it, as Hanan would not be happy with me dripping blood all over the floor of the inn.

We went out to the pond, Wynn seeming happy to go out there today. When we got there, Zeno explained what I needed to do. Why is it that fighting in battle and receiving large wounds never seems to hurt as much as deliberately inflicting pain on yourself? I reluctantly cut myself, swore the oath, and pressed my bloody fingers to Zeno's forehead, releasing her from her Oath. Relieved that it was over with, I sat down, after Wynn had healed the wound on my arm.

The two of them then started discussing which of them was going to tell me about something that had happened yesterday. Wynn eventually sat down with me, and told me that Zeno had sent him a letter asking him to meet her so that she could apologise for bullying him. I was really pleased that she'd done so; I thought it meant that perhaps she had started to realise that he wasn't the bad person that she'd decided he was.

Then he told me that when he met her and she'd apologised, she then explained that she was in love with me. I couldn't believe it. She'd promised me that she wouldn't tell him, and I'd been so determined not to let him know, and then she goes straight out and tells him! I started to let her know how annoyed I was about it, when Wynn began to speak again. He said that she had told him that he was in her way, drawn her sword, and attacked him.

How could she do that? After everything that she and I had talked about, after all those hours trying to comfort her and explain to her gently that I just couldn't love her that way, after everything she'd been through with me when I lost Wynn before, she chooses killing Wynn as the best way to be with me. She obviously hadn't succeeded, but ... what if she had? What if she'd caught him unable to defend himself and unable to run away, and she'd actually killed him? I was so angry with her. Wynn tried to assure me that he was fine and that he'd healed his wounds, but that wasn't the point. My best friend, who knows how much Wynn means to me, tries to kill him. I couldn't even look at her.

She offered both of us her life again. I was so close to actually saying yes, but even then, I just couldn't. I asked her why she kept on doing this ... why she broke all the promises she made to me ... why she'd get me to forgive her for one thing only to go out and do something worse. She just kept repeating that she was sorry, over and over. Wynn tried to tell me that he'd forgiven her, and I shouted at him, asking him how he could be so calm about the fact that she'd tried to kill him.

I was so angry. I told them that I was sick to death of spending my life trying to help people, and always being the one who ended up getting hurt. I've spent so much time trying to help Zeno ... and she repays me like this. Wynn won't let me help him with anything at the moment, and kept pushing me away, which breaks my heart. Seems everytime I offer to help anyone in the city with a job at the moment, I end up waking up at the Lady's House. I'm really starting to wonder what the point in even trying with people is. It'd be so much easier to just not bother.

Wynn kept on telling me that I should forgive her, and Zeno told me that she'd finally come to understand what love is really about. That if you love someone, you should want them to be happy no matter what, and if that means them being happy with someone other than you, you should be able to accept that. I wondered if that was something Wynn had told her ... I remembered him once telling me that when Zeno had been joking about her and I being together, before everything had happened, he'd told her that all he really wanted was for me to be happy, and if that meant me being happy with someone else, he would rather that than me be unhappy with him.

Thinking about that, and thinking about how he'd been able to forgive her, I realised that I couldn't keep being angry with her. He was safe and alive, and even after what she'd done to him, and everything else that was bothering him at the moment, he'd managed to forgive her. I was so proud of him, and felt so grateful that I had him in my life, that I told Zeno that if he could forgive her, then so could I. How could I do anything else?

She thanked me, and then turned her back on us and began to cry. Why is it that no matter what people do to you, if you care about them, you can't bear to see them hurting? I went over to her and hugged her, and I saw Wynn smile as I did so. She asked me if we could still be best friends, and I said we could.

She seemed to compose herself, and, being Zenobia, immediately tried to deal with the whole situation by joking and teasing us again. It felt odd, to start with, but I sat close to Wynn and tried to get my thoughts back to the way they'd been before all the problems. Wynn seemed happy, and joked with Zenobia too, and sitting there with my two favourite people in the world, with things getting back to normal, I just felt wonderful.

Zeno left after a while, wanting to give me and Wynn some 'alone time'. I told him how sorry I was about everything and how I hadn't wanted him to know about any of it, but I was glad he was so understanding. He seemed saddened, and asked me whether I really believed that he wouldn't have understood. I tried to explain that it wasn't that he wouldn't have understood, but rather that, seeing as how I couldn't do anything at all to help with any of his other problems, I had desperately wanted to shield him from having another one to deal with, and I'd believed that I could sort this one out by myself. I asked him if that was wrong, and he said that while it wasn't wrong, he would have wanted to know, and that no matter how much he had on his mind, he never wanted me to think that my troubles were a burden to him.

He told me he thought he'd figured out a few of the things that were bothering him, and that although he didn't know whether it would help, he'd be willing to talk to me about them. He told me that, when he and Anna had made up, she'd started to say something to him, saying 'If only...' but then had stopped, saying that although it was a lovely thought, it would have caused a lot of hurt. He said it hurt him that she didn't seem to feel that she could trust him to tell him what it was. Thinking about Zenobia's previous insistance that there was something going on between the two of them, the thought did flash across my mind that she might possibly have been going to say something like, if only she and Wynn had got together before he and I did, but I put that out of my mind. Anna has always seemed so happy for us. I told him that just because someone doesn't want to tell you something, it doesn't mean that they don't trust you. Sometimes people just feel that keeping things to themselves will make life better for everyone. And that if Anna had decided that this was something better left unsaid, he needed to respect her way of dealing with it. I can't imagine what I said made much difference to the way he feels, but at least I was able to try.

Then of course, I go and put my foot in it, muttering under my breath something about it being a good job that Zenobia wasn't around to hear this. Wynn asked me what I meant, and not wanting to lie to him, I reluctantly explained about her conviction that the two of them were seeing each other behind my back. I hastily told him that she no longer thought that, but he seemed troubled by the thought. He asked me where she would get an idea like that from, and I told him the few things that I'd told her. About him wanting to speak to Anna in private, and about how left out I'd felt at the jail. He told me he'd noticed I was quiet at the jail, but that he'd assumed I was mad at him for something. I explained why I'd been so quiet, and he apologised, saying he hadn't realised how bad I'd been feeling.

He started trying to explain that there was nothing going on between him and Anna, and I told him that he really didn't need to justify himself to me, that I had never believed that there had been, and that that was the reason Zenobia and I had been fighting so much. I told him that I trusted him, and he smiled. I hope that that made him feel better. I do trust him, totally.

Zenobia and I met up again a little later, and did a few jobs together. Things are much better. I don't feel so awkward when she teases me anymore, and we actually had a good time. Maybe ... just maybe, things are looking up again.
_________________
Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune

[Silverstar]

26/07/04

Seems everything's pretty much back to normal.

I've spent most of the day giggling. I met Wynn in the market, and Zenobia soon joined us. We stood and chatted for a while about various things: Zenobia offering to teach Wynn how to break people's fingers; him threatening to punch someone for something or other; Zenobia's red leather fetish, the usual kind of thing. Wynn had bought a new tunic and put it on to show us. It's very nice, totally black, and he looks great in it. Zenobia was talking about needing some new clothes, and Wynn offered to alter something for her if she wanted. I remembered that I'd been wanting him to alter a tunic I had, and asked him if he would. He went rifling through my pack looking for it, and I told him off for being nosy before finding it for him. He went off to the Traveller to alter it for me, and Zeno and I stood around talking.

As usual, our conversation ended up with me being thrown over her shoulder and carried around. She marched me over to the Traveller to see how Wynn was getting on, and the two of them decided to tickle me until I screamed. They then had a kind of tug-of-war over me. Why I'm always in the middle of these things, I don't know. Wynn managed to rescue me, and Zeno started telling me that I needed her to carry me around all the time in case I fell over and hurt myself. I told her I wasn't three years old, and Wynn joked that it was a good job, otherwise he'd really be in trouble. I went in to one of the rooms to change into my new tunic, and disappointed the two of them by telling them they couldn't watch. I could hear Wynn trying to stop Zeno from peeking through the keyhole at me. Gods, I'm glad he's so understanding about all of this. If it was the other way around, I'm not sure I could be.

I came out and showed them, and they both approved, even though Zeno insisted that it was indecent. She sighed, and I asked her what was up. The two then decided to have a bit more fun with me, with Wynn pointing out that clouds, birds and the sky was up, and Zeno pointing out where up and down were, and asking me if I needed help with left and right too. I said I wasn't going to bother talking anymore as they seemed to be having a 'Pick on Edana' day. I could just see the two of them get these glints in their eyes when I said that, so I ran for it.

They chased me halfway round the market before they caught me behind the Visitor's Club; Zenobia tackling me to the ground and sitting on me. Wynn then tickled her and she got off me, so I joined in. She then kicked his legs out from under him, sat on him and tickled him, asking me to join in. I told her I'd rather do something else while he was helpless, cackling evilly and then kissing him. He was shouting to be rescued, but soon changed his mind after that. The funniest part of it was, that two men had obviously heard Wynn shouting for help and came running over, accusing me and Zenobia of mugging him. Wynn kept telling them he didn't want to be rescued, and I was practically on the floor in giggles, before they finally realised that there wasn't actually anything wrong.

Wynn then went off to answer an announcement, and Zeno and I went to the shrine to help Parner out. I got pretty frustrated while we were down there; everytime anything came near me, she'd break off what she was doing and come over to rescue me. I know I'm not the world's greatest fighter, but it was just silly. When we'd finished, she came running over to check I was ok, and I snapped at her, I think. She got very quiet, and walked off. I tried to apologise, but she didn't seem to want to talk. I suggested we went to the Traveller to talk about it, and she agreed.

She told me she felt like she was just an annoyance to me, and in my way. I tried to tell her she wasn't, but she wouldn't believe me. She said I wouldn't let her help me, and I obviously didn't want her there. I tried to explain why I'd snapped at her. Knowing that people care so much about me is wonderful, but the way Wynn and Zenobia sometimes treat me like I'm this delicate, fragile little thing who can't possibly look after herself gets to me sometimes. I know I'm smaller and weaker than either of them, but I'm not totally useless. And whenever people try to help me like Zeno was doing, I get flashbacks of the time Wynn tried to do the same when I was cornered by ogres, and nearly got himself killed in the process. The thing is, most of the time, I can get out of things. I always have invisibility potions on me, and if I have the chance to use them, I have no problems. Wynn nearly getting killed trying to save me nearly broke my heart. And I hate people risking their own lives for me.

She said she understood, that she would feel the same in my shoes, but that, for the first time in her life, when she fought, she wasn't just fighting for herself. she was fighting for me too, and she was happy to fight and die for something as important as that. I told her she'd better not die, and she said she wasn't planning on it.

We stayed in the Traveller for a while, laughing and joking about various things. For some reason, we decided to try on each others clothes. She actually looked very good in my clothes, but I guess that could just be me being biased. I'm not so sure about hers ... red isn't really my colour. I decided to show her my wedding dress, as no one but me has seen me in it yet, and I wanted to get someone's else's opinion on it. She liked it, and I said that I hoped I actually got a chance to wear it sometime in the not too distant future. We talked a little about it, and I asked her to stop bugging Wynn about when he was going to propose. I explained a little about Narwen, and how he really didn't want to rush in this time, and she understood. I think she'll stop asking him about it now. I hope so, anyway. She said that she was the closest thing to family that I had in Arabel, and therefore it was her duty to sit Wynn down and give him the obligatory 'Hurt her and I will hunt you down like a dog' speech. I thought about telling her that it was remotely possible I actually did have family in Arabel, but then figured there wasn't much point. After all, I'm never going to find my father, so what's the point in even thinking about it?

We spent the rest of the day doing some more odd jobs. It was fun, and it's nice that things seem normal again. I feel happier than I have done in what seems like ages.
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Edana SeLangstra, ex-Breskie and mother of triplets. Lives in Silverymoon
Azria Saal, freed Thayan Knight
Miranda Isilme, priestess of Selune